Bob: Welcome, once again, to the Games of the Second Lottlympiad!
Jim: Wotcher, Bob! What ho!
Bob: Jim, have you been reading Harry Potter?
Jim: Yes...why? I mean, blimey, Bob! What are you on about?
Bob: Nothing, Jim...I'm just wondering if this is better or worse than the Australian "accent".
Jim: Don't get shirty with me, Bob! Tally ho, let's stop mucking about and soldier on, guv'nor!
Bob: (muttering) oh, it's worse
Jim: What's that, old thing?
Bob: Nothing, Jim.... So, folks, you may be wondering why we're coming to you after such a long delay. It turns out that after our last, spoiler-filled update, Jim was...overly protective of letting any updates out.
Jim: Oh, go on, then, old bean!
Bob: That wasn't a compliment, Jim.
Jim: Wot d'ye mean? Saved everyone from spoilers, I did!
Bob: Jim, you deleted all the coverage you and I filmed! It's taken weeks and weeks and weeks to reconstruct it!
Jim: Well, think of the fun we wouldn't be having now if I hadn't done!
Bob: (sighs) Let's go to Dan and Rowdy at the Aquatics Centre for a report on the Random Relay.
Dan: Thank you, Bob. We had a very exciting start to the action here.
Rowdy: Yeah, Dan, it's really hard to tell from this overhead shot of the pool, but we made it to the end of the row!
Dan: A great result in the opening heats, but so far it's just a bronze medal performance.
Rowdy: Dan, what you want to do in these heats is just shut down at the end...leave something in the tank for later.
Dan: Well, there's plenty of swimming yet to come. Back to you, Bob!
Bob: So, a bronze medal in the Random Relay so far, but there's a long way to go to get to the next level.
Jim: Stiff upper lip, old man, I'm sure we'll get to gold!
Bob: (sighs) Ah...thanks, Jim. Say, that's quite a lilt you have there. What else did you watch in preparation for your "accent"?
Jim: "Crazy for You" and "My Fair Lady," of course.
Bob: (rolls eyes) Both with perfectly accurate portrayals of British characters. We've received a report from Steve and Julie at the Bead Triathlon, and we can show you that a silver has been achieved in the second leg.
Jim: I say, old crumpet, what a smashing result!
Bob: Jim, do you even know what a crumpet is?
Jim: Righty-ho, Bob, I've got one right 'ere!
Bob: That's an English muffin, Jim. It's not quite the same thing.
Jim: What? I mean, Wot? But it is English.
Bob: Not really, that's just what we call it. Kind of like "French fries" were actually invented in Belgium.
Jim: Well bugger me...
Bob: Let's just go out to Al, Tim and Elfi for a report on Floor Exercise.
Al: The drama. The intensity. The multitude of rhinestones. A single toe out of bounds can suddenly put emotion into a very emotional weekend.
Tim: Al, when you get right down to it, it really does all come down to the scores.
Elfi: Yes, what you have to remember, and what you have to pay attention to, are the deductions.
Al: But all these tenths of points...how does it all add up? How can we figure out who is really doing well?
Tim: Well, I'm no great shakes at math.
Al, Tim and Elfi: (laughter)
Al: Who is? So we've come up with a simple symbol system so you can know, instantly, if a gymnast is doing well or...not so well.
Elfi: Right, because you certainly can't tell just by watching if you're seeing and observing an excellent performance. We've trained for years so we can alert you each time a gymnast gets a deduction by stepping out of bounds, or falling.
Tim: This is a really good idea, Al. So we're going to have, like, a range of scores that would be considered good, bad or "on the bubble"?
Al: Not exactly.
Tim: So then we'll have a symbol so that you don't have to subtract the deductions from the initial score yourself.
Al: No, we'll show you all three -- starting score, deductions, and final total.
Tim: So what's the symbol telling me?
Al: Well, I'll tell you, Tim. Better yet, I'll show you.
Tim: Oh, I see! Now I won't have to remember that a random range of deductions is "good", another random range is "OK", and a third random range is "bad"!
Al: That's right, Tim. So if you see a green triangle, you know the gymnast got a really good score and can expect a medal.
Al: A yellow square means the gymnast needs her competitors to make some mistakes to be assured of a medal...she's not sure where she stands.
Al: And red means...well....
Al: So on to tonight's competition! How is it stacking up?
Tim: Well, there's a lot going on out there on the floor right now.
Elfi: That's true. But I think what you'll find, and what you'll see about this athlete, is that she is very careful to think about the considerations of her choices.
Elfi: I am saying that there is yarn there, yes.
Elfi: But a little unevenness towards the hem. Maybe a couple tenths that the judges can take off there, and believe me, they will be very careful to consider and observe all those things.
Tim: And judges are just like horses; if they smell fear, they'll pounce!
Elfi: There are some pins there.
Tim: Yeah...there are.
Elfi: And also some yarn.
Tim: I think we're going to be seeing a yellow here.
Al: It's a green!
Tim: She's got the silver!
Al: A silver! As if it were written...
Bob: Ah...thanks, Al. That was...enlightening. So a bronze, silver and our first gold of this Games! Well, I'm afraid that's all we have time for in this update.
Jim: Pip pip, Bob, I'm off for a spot of tea at the Savoy!
Bob: Jim, you're not going to keep using that fake British accent while you're out are you?
Jim: It's tickety-boo, Bob!
Bob: If you say so, Jim.... We'll see you back here for the Closing Ceremony soon! That is, if Jim can keep his hands off the footage this time.
Jim: Jolly good show, old chap!
Jim: No, seriously, Bob, that was actually a good show.
Bob: Good night, everyone!
|Is there more gold in the Lottlympiad future? How will Jim fare at a proper British tea? The Games are long over, but the suspense continues!|
Wondering what in the world is going on? This should explain. And be sure to enjoy the first 2012 Lottlympiad update if you missed it.
And to my British readers...remember that any views Jim expresses are not those of the Lottloft. What do you expect from someone who researches British accents solely by watching Broadway musicals?? (That's Jim, of course, not me. =)