Drive-by Posting

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Er, hi! I've been away for a while, with no good reason, as these things go. Work got stressful, so stressful that my brain was awash in an adrenaline-induced haze for a couple weeks, and that makes me really, really tired. That leads to me being incapable of doing anything productive outside of work, which eventually means that I'm in an adrenaline-induced panic at home instead...and I think you can see the vicious circle that eventually evolves. It's just one of those seasons when I think, "I should be able to handle doing ALL THE THINGS, everyone else handles ALL THE THINGS, there aren't even very MANY things, WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEE??!?" Have you ever felt so overwhelmed you don't even know where to start?? Anyway, that's enough whining, I think. =)

There have been some bright spots, like winning Chiara's Stitch Enigma on my very first guess! My prize has already arrived, but you still have time to get entered into her final draw, so head on over and play!

Thank you, Chiara!! I can't wait to try that pretty lilac linen...it's woven in a tube, so all you have to do is sew the end shut to have a nice little sachet. Somewhere around here I have the perfect pattern for it....

I also have a TON of gorgeous garden pictures from taking Michael's parents on the tour of gardens for Mother's Day. Not to mention the rest of the orchid pictures to share!!

Your real clue that things are bad is that I've only baked cookies once in the past two months:

These amaretti were...interesting. They are made with almond flour, and I think that I would definitely chop the sliced almonds a bit before rolling the cookies in them next time.

Rest assured I am still finding time to stitch and knit a little, and I should have a good update for Menagerie May. And speaking of Theme-a-licous, I do have June's theme picked and will announce it this weekend. That's about all the lucid brain power I can spare right now!

JiffNotes
So. Much. Stress!

The 12 Disasters of Christmas

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And now for a special holiday edition of First World Problems! Here's your post-holiday quiz...which of the following twelve disasters befell the Lottloft before Christmas?

1. The Christmas tree sustained a terrible gash at the hands of incompetent Home Depot staff, so it died in like a week.
2. Aforementioned injured tree fell with a spectacular crash. Three ornaments remain unbroken.
3. Although we own approximately 62 strings of lights, only two of them actually worked.
4. Michael gets sick enough to have to go to the doctor, resulting in loss of cookie baking time.
5. Michael loses a toe when he drops a stocking holder on his foot in a bout of illness-induced vertigo.
6. While taking a vacation day, I am made late for a Christmas party because my office calls me to fix a problem created by someone else...who is also on vacation but is NOT called to fix his problem.
7. Our house fills with toxic black smoke and we have to evacuate.
8. Problems at work continue for a second day, meaning that to get ready for dinner and a show out with Michael's parents, I have to get ready one-handed while I type with the other.
9. On the third day of issues from work, there were no French hens, but ugly tears when I realize there's no way I can still get all the cookies baked and presents made on time.
10. Even though I've made the same cookies for six years in a row, this year's batch turns out flat as crispy little pancakes.
11. Pre-Christmas rain exacerbated some leaks in the Lottloft, causing water to pour through new holes in the ceiling.
12. I realize I've made a mistake on my sister's knitted mitts...50 rounds back.

One of these is made up, three are exaggerated, but the rest TOTALLY HAPPENED. Ready to see the answers?

1. Gashed Christmas tree - TRUE
   I always take a piece of ribbon with me the same length as our tree stand is deep, so I know which branches to tell them to cut off. A "helpful" employee made a mark on the trunk at that height, but the guy with the buzz saw thought that meant where he should CUT OFF THE TRUNK. My high-pitched screeches stopped his saw after he'd cut through the trunk about 1/3 of the way. They offered to give us a taller tree (duh...it wouldn't fit), but we'd already spent an hour picking this one out, so we decided to risk it. The tree refused to drink any water and is now a nine-foot-tall fire hazard.
2. Tree crash - FALSE
   I am an engineer, after all.
3. Massive light failure - EXAGGERATED
   There were a few strands of lights that didn't work, but they were old outside lights, and no big loss.
4. Michael's ill - TRUE
   Poor guy; he had a sinus infection. He was laid flat for two days (ministrations caused me to lose some additional prep time) and had to go in to work later, on the day before family festivities.
5. Michael loses a toe - EXAGGERATED
   He "just" hurt his foot pretty bad. But in later days, continuing sickness-induced clumsiness caused him to kick a door with the other foot, and bang each of his knees several times.
6. Idiot coworker ruins Christmas - TRUE
   Did I mention that I received the call right after we got home from taking Michael to the doctor and the pharmacy? When I was thinking, OK, I CAN STILL MAKE THIS CHRISTMAS THING HAPPEN!
7. Toxic black smoke - TRUE
   A rubber-handled pizza cutter fell on the heating element in the dishwasher. I realized soon that I needed to get my spouse's infected sinuses to fresh air, so we went up to the deck. Luckily, it was 60 (degrees F). Unluckily, it was windy and the wifi only reached so far, so I had to sit with my back against the deck door (on the floor) to get reception. Because I was working. Yeah...this happened pretty much right after the call. I had to throw out another batch of cookies due to smoke pollution.
8. Getting ready one-handed - TRUE
   Yeah. Although I told them I needed to leave, they kept asking questions. I finally just shut the computer and left.
9. Work still can't do anything without me - TRUE
   It's nice to be needed, but this is ridiculous. All told, I lost over 12 hours of baking and prep time.
10. Sudden cookie problems - TRUE
    Not tragic, but did I mention this happened after the whole illness-noxious fumes-work apocalypse thing?
11. Water pours through the ceiling - TRUE
    Seriously?? My Christmas present was supposed to be having leaks fixed, not having more turn up!
12. Knit mitt mistake - EXAGGERATED
    It was only four rows back. I did however take about six tries...I think?...to pick up stitches on the cuff for the mitt just before I realized my mistake. I managed to get one mitt done for my sister. *sigh* At least she crafts, too, so she understands. Plus, she showed up with a handmade ornament for me...that she was supposed to give me last year. =)

So how'd you do? Did you guess correctly?

I hope your New Year has fewer problems than my run up to Christmas!

JiffNotes
No real disasters, my holiday plans were just derailed a bit by an idiot at work!

NaBloNoAtAlMo

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That's National Blog Not At All Month, which is what I seem to have been following for the past few months. We all know I went to London (and Oxford) for two weeks at the end of August and beginning of September (ooo, look at megalomaniacal me, thinking you all keep up with what I'm doing)--and still haven't bothered to post pictures--muttered something about work being bad--went to a Jane Nicholas class--and made more mutterings about work being bad. That has really been what's been keeping me away from the computer--work, and also this:

 

You are looking at the innards of my Kindle Touch. Its battery died sometime in...September? October? Anyway, I replaced the battery, but in doing so, I knocked a cable loose, which caused it to freeze up randomly. Of course, I didn't know that at the time, so I spent about three weeks figuring out how to "debrick" it (i.e., turn it from a paperweight back into a useful device), running the operator diagnostics on it, and finally taking the entire thing apart in a last-ditch attempt to make it useable before selling it for parts. Well, when I watched the video on taking it apart, I realized how loose the connection is on the cable that's right by the battery, so I fixed it. By this time, of course, I'd already ordered a new Paperwhite. So now Michael has a trusty Kindle of his own. =)

So: Work. Pretty much right when I got back, I was thrust into a project that required all my time and then some. For three weeks in October, the project team was sequestered in a room together and they brought in lunch for us. This culminated with a go-live where we were all up until 2am (fortunately, I was working from home that day). The go-live went off without a hitch! The upside to being holed up in a room all that time was that it protected me from the company's new "noise masking" system. Basically, there's now a constant, loud hiss coming from the ceiling (brown noise, not white noise, if you're interested). IT DRIVES ME INSANE. It was not as loud in the room we were in, but now that I'm back "in the wild," well...let's just say I may not be around there too much longer.

This kind of work stress meant that when I got any free time, I wanted to be outside, away from the computer!! We went to a somewhat cool, somewhat pretentious outdoor art night...

 

...where people danced in urban spaces...

 
tiny dancers are tiny

...became part of the show...

 

...and made artistic statements...

 

This last one was my favorite, actually. It was about people with dementia. The artist would paint with water on the black board, and then sit back down as the memory he'd written faded away. He wouldn't get up again until it was completely gone. I thought it was good art that made you think...unlike the giant milkshake fountain (water colored white) that was supposed to be a commentary on our super-size-me culture. It was just...ugly and uninteresting.

We visited the Botanical Gardens, where the Imaginary Worlds exhibit looked very different from when things were first planted. Earth spirit's hair is grown in...

 

...the bunnies hide in tall grass...

 

...and the frogs have mohawks!

 

We went on a couple hikes. We had gone to Sweetwater Creek State Park, which takes you along Sweetwater Creek...

 

...and by the ruins of a textile mill burned in the Civil War.

 

We took a little picnic lunch...

 

...climbed on the rocks...

 

...and admired the wildlife.

 

When this lovely fella took off, I laughed at all the people with their camera phones capturing blurred dots, because...

 

...zoom lens and adjustable shutter speed FTW!!

The next "hike" was really more of a walk. For some reason we thought we'd be able to drive up somewhere to see pretty leaves the day after my project went live...bwahahaha!! I slept until 11am! So we just went up to walk by the Chattahoochee River near Akers Mill. Stalker heron followed me there.

 

This was a very pretty walk; lots of great moss!

 

I did manage to stitch a little on Friday on my stumpwork piece, but the rest of the weekend I was laid up on the couch. At first I thought I was fighting off a sinus infection, but this feels different. Flu? Random cold? Who knows?! Oh, it's just nonstop excitement here, let me tell you! At least it was a great excuse to watch lots of special features off The Hobbit Blu-Ray. =) Stitching pictures soon!

JiffNotes
I came, I overworked, I got sick. So did my Kindle, but it's better now. Also: Nature!

Please Stop the Stupid, Groupon

Take a look at Groupon's Earth Day Celebration page here. I'll wait.

Done?

OK, just in case the link doesn't work for you (or it's forcing you to sign up and you don't want to...OR THEY HAVE HOPEFULLY PUT A HALT TO THE CRAZY):

Are you as flabbergasted as I am?? My email to customer service said, in part:

The Egyptians (to pick an old culture at random) would beg to differ with you. And remember that whole Y2K problem we had? Did you know that the "Y" in "Y2K" stands for "Year"?

My mental capacity and imagination are unable to stretch far enough to come up with a plausible explanation for what they're thinking. Earth Day was first celebrated in 1970 in San Francisco, so they can't have meant "40". Even strictly literal Biblical interpretations would say around 6,000! It wasn't a typo, because I got an email with different text that referred to the "400th" birthday and hoping we could make it to our "401st".

MAKE THE STUPID STOP!

[ETA]: Groupon customer service emailed me back and said that the copy was meant to be humorous. What do you think? Did it come across as humorous or just nuts?

The Pollenclysm Continues...

Today's pollen count is 9,369.

STOP TRYING TO SET RECORDS, NATURE!!!

Rant On

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People:

• A "boarder" is someone who rents a room from you. A "border" is something that surrounds an area.
• "Broach" is when you bring up a new topic. A "brooch" is a decorative pin.
• For bonus points..."stationary" is when something is standing still. "Stationery" is pretty paper for writing.

<rant-off />

JiffNotes
Sorry. My inner grammar nerd gets the best of me sometimes.

Blowing through Town

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This is the way I've felt for about the past month. Either I'm completely insensible, or I'm definitely not where or when I "should" be. In fact, despite the awesome time we had the first two days in Chicago, and during the trip as a whole, Saturday didn't go very well.

The plan was to get up, find Argo tea, find the half price tickets booth and procure some tickets for the evening, then meet Michael's parents at the Shedd Aquarium at noon, having already taken in some of the fishy goodness.

We did find Argo tea, which I highly, emphatically recommend. I need to start my letter-writing campaign to have them open locations in Atlanta! That was, unfortunately, the only thing that went according to plan. First we looked forever to find the half-price ticket place (which turned out to be stuffed away on a corner far from where the map said it was). Since we had not immediately found it, we decided to wait in line for rush tickets to Jersey Boys. This was a mistake. Once we made it to the front of the line, only obstructed view tickets were available. Now, since they were pretty cheap, this might have been fine...if the employee at the counter had been able to give us any useful information. The conversation went something like this:

Michael: "Now, I know these are obstructed view tickets, but could you tell us if we'll miss entire musical numbers, or just some parts of numbers?"

Man: "You'll miss anything on the catwalk." (Thanks, guy, we already knew that from the pre-opening announcements.)

Michael: "Yes, I understand that, but what I'm asking is whether entire numbers are performed up there, or just portions?"

Man: "What do you want for $25??"

Michael: "Um...I'm just trying to find out if we would miss entire numbers or just parts..."

Man: "Do you want the tickets or not?"

After that exchange, we decided "not", although I thought of many things I could have said to this guy after we left...such as, "Sir, I understand that you are incapable of helping us after we have repeatedly asked you to exercise your expertise on our behalf. Since you haven't seen the show, which is the only thing I can assume based on your lack of ability to answer simple questions about its content, could you perhaps ask a coworker who has seen it to help us?" Ahhhh, spite.

Now we were 1) without the promised tickets, 2) still without breakfast (not to mention caffeine...we hadn't made it to Argo yet!) and 3) creeping way too close to our meeting time. I'll cut through the wandering before and after finding Argo, the fruitless quest for tickets and the nerve-wracking bus ride through traffic and pick things up at the Shedd Aquarium, as we ran up and got in the "will call" line to exchange our CityPass tickets for admission tickets, already 20 minutes late to meet Michael's parents.

That's when we discovered that we were short a CityPass book. It's also when I discovered that I'd lost the beautiful scarf my mom knit me. =( Michael was in such a holy panic by that time that I didn't want to mention it to him...he was explaining to me that he was going to run after the bus to get the CityPass while I went in and met his parents (we went back to Argo and called CTA's lost and found to no avail-*sniff!*). I wasn't sure if I was going to throw up or faint, but I just stood there praying desperately! The worst part was, that as long as the line I was in was (it took 20 minutes to get through it), the line to purchase tickets was about 6 times as long! So if Michael didn't find his CityPass, I had no idea when he'd be able to get to us!

God was good to us and Michael was somehow able to run down the bus, where the driver handed him the missing CityPass! I am still baffled by how he did it, since we had gotten off the bus, walked across a green, asked an employee for directions, rode an elevator and gotten in line before discovering it was missing. At any rate, we were "only" 45 minutes late to meet his parents, who had already seen most of the Aquarium by that time. Sadly, we had to run through it, so I don't have that many pictures to share. It looked like a really cool Aquarium, too. *sigh* Next time!

After snarfing hot dogs, we booked it to the Adler Planetarium. We only had about 3 hours there, and we saw two shows. I still much prefer the traditional projector to the new-fangled ones.

Since we were right by the waterfront, we decided to take a ferry over to Navy Pier.

Not much of note there, except the fabulous and FREE stained glass museum. It seems like it goes half the length of the Pier (indoors), and has many Tiffany windows as well as other great examples of art glass.

These next guys really cheered me up.
They weren't quite So You Think You Can Dance material, but they were pretty good. After that, we walked back home and paused to watch the fireworks from the Pier.

Sunday morning was the Chicago Marathon, part of which we could see from our hotel room.
After church, we grabbed a picnic lunch from Whole Foods and headed to Millennium Park to ogle the Bean (Cloudgate is its proper name).


I totally stole this idea from some fab British girls who asked me to take their picture.
Finally, we made it out to the Field Museum. Holy cow, this is a big place! Once again, we didn't have much time, so we ran through as many of the fabulous exhibits as we could. I loved the gem display, the Egyptian tomb, the Native American clothing! And, of course, Sue was there to sneak up on Michael's unsuspecting parents... ...Sue is the largest and most complete Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton that's been found.

I decided that they weren't that big and scary, after all. I mean, one probably couldn't down me whole like in Jurassic Park. I could totally punch one in the nose and make it run away, just like a shark, doncha think??
After all that running around, we had worked up quite an appetite, so it was time for more authentic Chicago pizza! The wait at Cafe Uno, where Chicago deep dish pizza was invented (reportedly because the owner wanted pizza to be a "sit down, knife and fork" meal) was about an hour and a half. So, we headed down the block to Cafe Due (doo-ay), which he opened because he'd run out of room at Uno. The wait there was "only" 45 minutes, and you could order your pizza ahead (they take about 30 minutes). Totally, totally worth it. Everywhere the Giordano's pizza failed me, the Due pizza succeeded. The crust was yummy, I didn't feel over-cheesed, and the sauce...! It was sooo good. After dinner we wandered back by the Tribune building, because we'd missed a wall Friday night and I wanted to remember where they had stolen liberated the rock from Illinois (it was from Abraham Lincoln's home).

Monday we rode the Metra out to the Museum of Science and Industry. It's the first time I've been on a bilevel train car!
Here you can see the "tiny" atrium that houses a 727...and that's just about a fourth of the atrium! Again, it's a huge museum full of wonders. Michael's dad best remembered the "model trains" (that term doesn't do them justice!) and the circus models.

I definitely want to go back and spend more time in all the museums!! And, you know, maybe spend more time on the Mag Mile than the 5 minutes in Eddie Bauer I got! Michael's parents aren't big shoppers. =) But the trip as a whole was just awesome!

JiffNotes
Note to self: Don't try to do an entire CityPass in 5 days ever again....

Lost Weekend

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This was meant to be a post showing all my pretty deck plants. It was meant to have been posted last Sunday, after chores were done Saturday, the 4th was all planned for, and I was rested and relaxed. Instead, I give you the following epic saga:

Friday night, 1am - Heather and Michael trundle off to bed, exhausted from the week but looking forward to getting a lot of rest and a weekend of many chores, followed by much relaxation.

2:43am - Heather is rocketed out of a deep sleep by music from the neighbor (who shares a wall, and who we have attemped repeatedly to meet). You know how when you're asleep, and a noise starts, and it sort of gradually works its way into your dream until you eventually wake up? This is not one of those times. The sound level is vaguely what you'd experience if you went into the bathroom of one of those clubs where you cannot actually talk to anyone because the music is so loud.

2:49am - Michael is woken by Heather. He's a much sounder sleeper.

3:20am - Consciousness and gross disbelief have finally reached the level where action is incumbent. Michael goes downstairs to try and find something to bang on the wall with that will 1) be loud enough to be heard above the cacophony and 2) not damage the wall in the process.

3:31am - Heather decides banging on her door would be a better idea and dons clothing.

3:32am - Michael presents his belief that he is not capable of calm, lucid, and, especially, calm discourse with the neighbor.

3:33am - Heather bangs on the neighbor's door. Repeatedly.

3:35am - Between banging, Heather hears a smoke detector beeping as if its battery needs to be changed. This is unsurprising, since it's about 4 in the morning. Heather considers the possibility that the neighbor is hearing impaired to a great degree.

3:43am - Michael goes upstairs to check out the changed sound level. From the deck on the 4th story, he yells that although the music is still clearly audible outside, it is "better" inside. Heather goes inside.

3:45am - Heather stuffs earplugs in both ears and tries not to hear the music.

4:01am - Heather decides that she really can still hear the music and is too worked up to sleep, so she goes downstairs to play Mass Effect.

4:12am - Michael joins Heather. Many discussions about the sanity/rudeness/evilness of the neighbor ensue. At some point, it is decided that Peter Gabriel is, in fact, the devil, due to the appearance of dancing dead chickens in the "Sledgehammer" video. Later, it is unclear why this conclusion seemed so inevitable, but the stigma remains. The neighbor comes to be known as "one of Peter Gabriel's minions." Many scathing letters to the neighbor are mentally composed. Revenge schemes are plotted and abandoned as unethical/illegal/immoral and just plain unChristian.

6:30am - The sun is starting to come up. Heather's headache has reached epic proportions and the music seems to have mellowed, so sleep is attempted again.

10:30am - Heather's parents call to confirm they're all going to "Oklahoma!" at the Fox Theatre.

10:51am - Heather attemps lucid conversation with her father. This was always going to go badly.

11:11am - Heather's mother calls back and sympathizes like an actual person.

11:42am - Showering happens. Heather successfully fails to drown.

Let me sum up the rest of the day here...all we got done was eating and picking up a FedEx package (which was a feat in itself, and turned out to be the wrong thing for the second time) before Heather's parents arrived for dinner and the show. We pick things up after we've gotten to bed at about 12:30...

Saturday night, 3:30am - Music. The volume is slightly less than last night, but still on the order of club bathroom. Heather goes to bang on the door again, not bothering to wake Michael.

3:40am - Heather is still banging. Volume is unchanged. Michael yells from the deck for her to come upstairs and he will hammer on the wall.

3:52am - Michael holds an IKEA table leg against the wall with a piece of cardboard in between. He hammers on the leg in interesting rhythmic patterns.

3:53am - Michael destroys the table leg. Fortunately, the table was only $12.

3:55am - The volume decreases to the point where earplugs block 50% of the songs. Actual sleep doesn't occur for probably another 45 minutes. Peter Gabriel is cursed.

The day unwinds in a headachy haze. We knock (nicely) on the neighbor's door about 7pm to try to talk to her. She does not answer. We compose a letter where Michael identifies many songs played during the nights and sorts the volumes she has produced at various times into two categories he calls, "LOUD" and "CRAZY LOUD". We slip it through her mail slot. A few attempts at cleaning are made.

This brings us to Sunday night.

10:30pm - Music starts.

11:30pm - We head to bed.

Monday,12:41am - As the music continues, Michael wields the table leg and hammer again.

12:47am - The volume decreases. Sleep is attempted.

12:53am - It's still too loud, even with the earplugs in. In lieu of weeping, Heather bangs on the table leg in an incessant fast staccato.

12:59am - Music decreases in volume to "earplug level".

Monday morning we slip another note in her door saying that things are better, but still very audible. We request a 10pm cutoff for that night, since Heather has a stupidly early meeting Tuesday morning and we are very sleep deprived.

Monday night, the music is slightly below earplug level. Prior to installation of earplugs, exhaustion takes over.

During the day Monday, Michael does some research. He discovers that Atlanta's sound ordinance specifies "nighttime hours" as 9:01pm-7am the next morning. The sound level should be less than 35dB at the shared wall. We consider purchasing a sound meter. We slip a note in her door thanking her for keeping the music below "earplug level".

Now, here is where it gets good. Tuesday, Michael calls our architect and finds out that she is a renter (hurray!) and tells him what's been happening. He's very apologetic and suggests we call "Fred" (not his real name), who was the financial partner for our duplex, and is therefore her landlord. Michael gets in touch with "Fred", who tells Michael that our neighbor text messaged him saying, "What's up with my neighbors...they keep banging on the wall and leaving me notes. Maybe this isn't the place for me." He suggests to Michael that if we find a tenant who will pay the $2K/month rent (that's more than our mortgage!!!), he can maybe have her evicted. LOL! Michael tells him that we just want to talk to her and "Fred" seems very relieved. "Fred" also drops the news that our neighbor runs a club in Cabbagetown. Michael does some research and finds that most clubs in Ctown close at 2:30am. Heather is somewhat relieved that the neighbor's occupation is actually legal, as "bartender" was the most legal and...kindest...option she could previously come up with.

You're thinking, "WHY DON'T YOU CALL THE POLICE!?!!??" But, you know, we may have to live with her for a while, and that's no way to start a relationship. Maybe banging on the wall isn't, either, but she didn't leave us with a whole lot of choices.

Last night was blissfully quiet. Heather's sure we're on a list somewhere as being "difficult".

JiffNotes
Our neighbor plays her music really, Really, REALLY loud. She runs a club, so her eardrums are likely leathery thickend slabs of skin that can only be vibrated by a sheer force of nature. And Heather has no idea why she has descended to writing in third person.

Bunch of Drips

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First off, thank you for the kind comments on my Easter Fairy. I should make a habit of posting progress pictures, because you all are better at seeing my progress than I am! =)

So if you've been asking yourself, "Hey, where has Heather been lately? Why no blog posts?"...or even if you haven't been asking yourself...the answer is: the joys of home ownership. Or, more precisely, the mind-numbing stress associated therewith. Our old place is still not sold, our new place has various issues, and the contractors have abandoned me to sub-contractor h#ll, which is where you place many, many calls trying to get people to come do stuff for you when you are not paying them for doing it. If that sounds nigh-impossible, then you've got it about right. Oh, yes, and my HR rep at work decided to abandon me.

I'm currently in process of trying to get subcontractors to resolve the following problems:

• The heat pump is not performing to spec. When it's 65 degrees (18C) outside, it's only putting out 85 degree (29C) air. It should be putting out 100 degree (37C) air. I've already been charged for a service call, during which they also fixed more gas leaks at the furnace (upstairs is furnace), but did not find "anything wrong" with the heat pump. The owner of the company is supposed to come out Thursday at 10:00.


• The downstairs faucet does not shut off...it gradually tapers off its flow until it stops. They've theoretically contacted the contractors to reorder the faucet, but since I'm dealing with the same company as the above issue, I'm not holding my breath.


• There's a giant crack in the drywall. It was patched last Thursday, and was supposed to be sanded/painted Friday, but the guy never showed up. I had rearranged my morning to accommodate him, and poor Michael had to get up early to make sure we had paint on hand. He's supposed to be coming back this Thursday...again, I'm not restricting my oxygen over it. But, this is going to necessitate taping up a bunch of plastic to try and thwart the inevitable creep of drywall dust across the entire premises...if you've had drywall work done, you understand. If you haven't, there's no way to adequately explain the insidious nature of drywall dust. It's like the Harry Houdini of construction debris, only in reverse: It can get in anywhere.


• The small window in the shower is cracked. I'm sure it happened because of the building shifting...one day, the crack was 4", the next, it went the entire diagonal of the window (about 15"). I was informed by the glass guy on the phone that they don't warranty windows, because "how are they to know how it got broken." So, basically, he called me a liar. I told him to call the contractor, because we were not paying for a window broken due to building shifting. I'm sure he called the contractor right away. I'll pause while you wipe that dripping sarcasm off your monitor.


• The shower door no longer closes properly (see building shifting, above). This is the same sub as the window, so again...my lungs will still regularly fill with air.


• There are a few leaks in the garage. We haven't called them on these yet, because they just finished fixing all the leaks coming in at the front of the unit.


• This very morning we discovered a leak in the bedroom which appears to be coming from the roof. We discovered it because the paint was bubbling on the wall. Can you say, "More drywall replacement, sanding and painting?" *sigh*

This is all not to mention the old place. I have been very slack with trying to get contractors out to help us, but when I do try, they either do not call me back, or say the job is too big, or I've gotten the scope wrong despite the fact that Michael has written it out for me, and I have to start all over. *sigh* An inspector is coming out early on Thursday (are you starting to see the pileup I have to deal with before I go to my haircut around noon??). I'm hoping once we get that report, it will be easier to get a contractor to fix the issues, since they will be concise. Then, we can start work on the things we can do ourselves (or with the help of our crazy friends). But still, I'm not starving my red blood cells over it.

And don't even get me started on the City of Atlanta splitting our property at the speed of moss, our ephemeral parcel ID tied to no physical address, and our homestead exemption paperwork...really. Fortunately, the husband of the year is taking care of that so I don't explode from stress...again.

I promise more interesting and non-ranty posts soon. I have actually made progress and even taken pictures...I've just had no motivation to post them.

JiffNotes
Double entendre: Your Key to Quality Blogging. We've got some leaks, but the real drips are our contractors.

Don't read this; it'll just make you mad...or confused

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After spending an hour on the phone with Earthlink last week to correct a "pending charge" of $149.95 (for "early termination"...hahahahaha), I got an invoice from them today that they had charged me the $149.95, anyway. I had a credit on my account of about $110 (from previous invalid charges), and then they charged the remaining $44 or so to my Amex. So, my account balance was zero, and they owed me $149.95. Simple, right? ... I had to pause there so that my insane laughter could taper off.

Here's how the chat went (and in the interest of full disclosure, I had some of the numbers wrong; this month's invoice charged me $149.95 + a valid $3.95 monthly fee, and I left that out of some of my calculations):

'Gordy B' says: Thank you for contacting EarthLink LiveChat, how may I help you today?
lottloft@mindspring.com: Hello! My recent invoice, ###, shows a charge of $149.95. That should have been credited to me; the confirmation number I have for you is ###, from Carl.
Gordy B: I am sorry to hear that.
Gordy B: Please let me check our records and assist you.
Gordy B: I would like to inform you that you were charged $149.95 on invoice but not on your card. Right?
lottloft@mindspring.com: I previously had a credit balance of $110.84. So, $43.06 was charged to my card.
Gordy B: Yes, that is right, you were provided a credit of $99.95 as the Waver for the DSL service.
lottloft@mindspring.com: yes, this was the second time I was charged this invalid charge.
Gordy B: But were charged $50.00 as a partial charge for the equipment as you are still under the commitment with Phone service.
lottloft@mindspring.com: nope, I don't have phone service with you
lottloft@mindspring.com: Are you unable to find the credit with the confirmation number ###
Gordy B: One moment.
Gordy B: Thank you for being on hold.
Gordy B: Yes, I see that according to the case you were provided only a credit of $110.00 and not more than that.
lottloft@mindspring.com: That is incorrect. At the time, my account had a $110 credit on it already, and a "pending charge" of $149.95. The confirmation number I gave you was to revoke the $149.95 pending charge. It is an invalid charge, as I should not have been charged for early cancellation (I've been with you for about 10 years). I also should not have been charged the $50 moving fee, as the service was never moved. I have no desire to waste another hour of my day arguing on the phone as I did when I got that confirmation number, so please rectify this situation now, or pass me to a supervisor who can help me.
Gordy B: I am sorry to inform you that according to the confirmation number provided to you the information is as " tell eu that we already provide the credit for 110 dollars".
lottloft@mindspring.com: OK, well, pass me to someone that can credit this second incorrect charge.
lottloft@mindspring.com: The $149.95 is an invalid charge.
Gordy B: One moment.
Gordy B: Thank you for being on hold.
Gordy B: I see that the balance of $43.06 has been provided to you as credit.
Gordy B: On your account and it will be adjusted on your future invoices.
Gordy B: I am sorry for the confusion with the statement in the case number referred by you.
lottloft@mindspring.com: What is my current account balance?
Gordy B: It is that you have no balance due on your account.
Gordy B: From your end.
lottloft@mindspring.com: So, you should be issuing me a credit of $149.95 for the invalid charge: $110.84 of which was paid from the previous credit on my account, and $43.06 of which was charged to my American Express.
Gordy B: Yes, you are right.
lottloft@mindspring.com: ok
Gordy B: I appreciate your patience and understanding in this concern.
Gordy B: Is there anything else I can help you with?
lottloft@mindspring.com: When will that credit be issued?
Gordy B: It is already been issued and you will receive it within 7 - 10 days on your Amex card account.
lottloft@mindspring.com: What is my confirmation number for that?
Gordy B: One moment.
Gordy B: Thank you for being on hold.
Gordy B: The confirmation number is " ###".
Gordy B: Have I answered all your queries?
lottloft@mindspring.com: I just want to make sure I understand. In 7-10 days, a credit will appear on my American Express for $149.95. The confirmation number for this transaction is ###
Gordy B: The balance of $43.06 will appear out of $149.95 with the confirmation number provided.
lottloft@mindspring.com: So I should deny the charge of $43.06 to my American Express that has already occurred?
Gordy B: Yes, it will be refunded on your Amex Card back.
lottloft@mindspring.com: So, to confirm again. In 7-10 days, two credits will appear on my American Express. One for $43.06, and one for $106.89.
Gordy B: I did not get you by $106.89.
lottloft@mindspring.com: You owe me $149.95. I am trying to understand how that credit will be given to me.
Gordy B: I would like to inform you that you were already provided $110.00 and now I have provided you $43.06 as the refund and that makes the total of $153.06 that was deducted from your card.
lottloft@mindspring.com: That $110 was from a previous invalid charge.
lottloft@mindspring.com: It was applied to the $149.95 you incorrectly charged me AGAIN
Gordy B: You were charged only once for the invalid charges.
lottloft@mindspring.com: That is incorrect
Gordy B: I assure you that you were never charged twice for the incorrect amount.
lottloft@mindspring.com: I have been charged multiple times for invalid charges, and I am getting really, really tired of it.
Gordy B: But according to our records and invoices with our database I see that the balance is correct.
lottloft@mindspring.com: On 8/15, I was incorrectly charged for ADSL reactivation.
lottloft@mindspring.com: AND for Unlimited DIal up
lottloft@mindspring.com: These charges were in the amount of $116.19
lottloft@mindspring.com: The credit requests were approved on 8/21.
lottloft@mindspring.com: This resulted in my account having a credit balance of $116.19 (invoice ###)
lottloft@mindspring.com: Then, on 8/24, I was incorrectly charged for shipping on returned equipment.
lottloft@mindspring.com: This credit request was approved on 9/28.
lottloft@mindspring.com: This resulted in my account having a balance of $110.84
lottloft@mindspring.com: As it did, at the start of invoice ###
Gordy B: Yes, you are right.
Gordy B: But I need to also deduct the charges of $3.95 for 3 months on that amount. Right?
lottloft@mindspring.com: The $3.95 for 3 months is a valid charge. I am on the email-only plan.
Gordy B: Okay, if those charges are deducted from $149.95 then the balance can be provided to you.
lottloft@mindspring.com: No, those charges were all paid as well. We are disputing an invalid charge of $149.95. Since my account shows a zero balance, you owe me $149.95
Gordy B: Okay, as you wisht.
lottloft@mindspring.com: You need to credit me $149.95. That is the amount that I have paid you that I should not have.
lottloft@mindspring.com: OK, so you are going to credit my American Express $149.95. What is the confirmation number for that?
Gordy B: The confirmation number will be the same.

I have to say that the most distressing thing about this whole fiasco is the rep's use of a line from The Princess Bride to surrender.

JiffNotes
Earthlink still stinks. I'll be astonished if they get my account right next month.

September's here, where am I?

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So, it's been September for nigh unto two weeks, and there's been nary a peep from me. Well, that's because BellSouth can't seem to figure out where my phone number went. Or, rather, they know exactly where it is, but, for some reason that is completely unfathomable to me, my spouse, and nearly anyone else I tell about it, they seem loathe to reconnect it. You'd think I hadn't paid my bill on time faithfully for the last ten years or something. (That was sarcasm. I've only been late on a bill twice that I can remember: once as a result of vacation, and once as a result of being in college, and I wired them money immediately. And those weren't even to BellSouth.) Anyway, no phone, no DSL. No DSL, no blogging. Or, very, very limited blogging.

Here's the story, as short as I can make it (In other words, you might want to grab a cup of your favorite relaxing beverage at this point and take a seat.) I have a longstanding grudge against AT&T. So since BellSouth is now part of "the new AT&T", I was chomping at the bit to switch my phone service over to Earthlink (who was providing my DSL). I called Earthlink before I moved. I told them I wanted to move my number to them, but that I was physically moving, and I wanted the old number at the new place, with DSL. This was too much for them to handle, even though I was only moving 100 feet. So, I said I would call them back after BellSouth moved the number. BellSouth had trouble with the move, because our architects are morons and didn't carry the phone wire outside the loft. The poor tech burned out three drill batteries, a drill motor, and sprained his wrist trying to drill through our brick walls, but he eventually got it done. Meanwhile, I've placed the order with Earthlink to switch the number to them. Since DSL takes "7-10 days" to switch, I had them disconnect it August 15th. It's now August 20th. I am not going to go into the blow-by-blow of Earthlink's abysmal customer service at this point, because I don't want to raise my blood pressure that high again, but let's just say that for a week, I got emails saying my address did not match, and it was because they had left out a hyphen. And they had my billing address correct, but could not see that the service address was one character different. I can't begin to explain the special kind of stupid they are. Add to this the fact that I was repeatedly lied to, and their most annoying habit of parrotting back your last comment to "demonstrate their understanding" of your issue. And the fact that even though "disconnection" of the old DSL takes 3-4 days, and the whole switching process takes 7-10 days, once they straightened out the address issue, connecting the new DSL was still going to take "7-10 days". This must be that "New Math" I've heard about. Wait, lied to, you say? Why yes, I say! Here's an example:

Me: I'd like to speak to someone in Atlanta, please. Earthlink world headquarters is one mile from me. I could walk down there.

Rep: Sure, hold on and I will get you someone from Atlanta.

[Pachelbel's Canon in D, which I fear I will now twitch whenever I hear, plays incessantly]

Rep 2: Hello, how may I help you?

Me: Where are you?

Rep 2: The Phillippines.

Me: I was supposed to be transferred to a representative in Atlanta.

Rep 2: I'm so sorry you were told that, but we have no customer service reps in Atlanta. They are all in the Phillippines or India. Maybe I can help you?

Me: That is highly unlikely....

I eventually (August 27th) decide that even though I've now figured out their address conundrum, and I'm due to be switched over on September 4th, with swanky DSL 8.0 to follow, that I hate them more than AT&T and I don't want anything more to do with these morons. Imagine if my phone line (which would be some bastardized VOIP) goes out. I'd have to talk to the passel of fools again! So, I called Earthlink and cancelled the phone service order. Here's how the DSL conversation went:

Me: So, my previous service was $49.95/month, correct? And what was my speed then?

Rep: That's right, and your speed was 1.5 Mbps.

Me: Well, I'd like to sign up for 6.0.

Rep: Let me check...that's not available in your area.
(NOTE: BellSouth can give me 6.0. Why can't Earthlink?? And, I do understand why I could get 8.0 with home phone service...it has to do with line provisioning...I won't bore you.)

Me: OK, what can I get?

Rep: 3.0 or 1.5.

Me: And how much is 3.0?

Rep: $49.95 a month.

Me: ... And how much is 1.5?

Rep: $39.95 a month.

Me: But I'd have to sign a year contract, right?

Rep: Yes.

Me: Keep me at my current 1.5 for $49.95/month, no contract.

I've since downgraded to email only, and, if you've visited my web site, that's why some of it is hosed right now. I'm planning to register my own domain and host it there, but I digress. So I look at the calendar, and realize, OH NO! September 4th is the day after Labor Day!! What are the chances Earthlink screws this up? Ridiculously good, it turns out. Even though I had a confirmation number for the cancellation, and called them three more times over the next few days, AND I called BellSouth and told them not to disconnect the number, on September 4th, it was disconnected. I've talked to BellSouth at least twice a day since then. They still haven't fixed it. Oh, today, I actually got a dial tone, but it was the wrong number. BellSouth has now lied to me WAY more times than Earthlink. These lies have been of the "your number will be working by midnight tonight" variety. And, I am starting to suspect the rep that told me BellSouth loved me was lying, too. I've spent about $40 in cell phone minutes trying to straighten the whole mess out. And now I'm terrified I won't have DSL before Halo 3 comes out. They currently have me down for October 8th!!! That's two weeks too late, people! I'm going to bring all kinds of hurt on them once I actually have a phone line. They will give me DSL before September 25th.

On a positive note, I have done some stitching, and it's even related to this month's theme. I've been stitching on the Quaker Needlecase, and I finished the pocket! I'm actually close to finishing the scissors holder now. Then I "only" have the needlebook (it's almost as much stitching as the pocket, which felt like it took forever), the lining, and the outside wool florentine to finish. I'm working on that in the car on the way to work.

I also had a nice knitting milestone; I finished my first sleeve ever! It's "just" Tubey, but as I modeled one sleeve with some stockinette hanging off it, DH told me I was cool, anyway. =)

Of course, I can't show you pictures of any of this...maybe I'll have to do something scary with a scanner, new computer and thumb drive this weekend....

JiffNotes
I've been stitching. Knitting, even. But I can't show you pictures because Earthlink, and, to a lesser extent, BellSouth, stink. Stink, stink, stink. I'm surprised you can't smell them from there.

I HATE Earthlink

...still no DSL. =( I'd tell you the whole saga, but I don't want to harsh your Friday.

On a good note, the doc looked at my eyes yesterday during my checkup and said, "Beautiful." And he wasn't hitting on me.

Graffiti Jerkwad

There are just a couple of disadvantages of living downtown. One of them is getting graffitied occasionally. You might shudder as you pass by these atrocities, thinking, "Gangs! Boy, I'm glad I don't live down here!" But from experience, we can tell you that it's actually suburban white kids who perpetrate these lame illustrations of their imagined angst, trying to get in touch with their "inner beaten-down urban youth" (and, occasionally, crazy white guys). Now, I'm not talking about graffiti art, which can be very cool-looking and is usually found in clumps on universally acknowledged abandoned buildings. I'm talking about the people who just spray paint for the "fun" of it. My mom used to have a little saying about these people. It went something like, "Fools' names and fools' faces are often found in public places." She usually said it when we went into a restroom where someone had scrawled "Jackie 'n' Stephen 4-EVER!" on the wall. So last night the new place got hit. And it was the only place on the street that did. This is unusual; most of the time they scrawl every few feet or so. But the little princess that did this (I'm pretty sure it was a pre-teen chick) only hit the place with the curtains, to maximize her giddy, adrenaline-rushed, giggly "big caper" delusion. I've blurred out her crap in the picture so she can't find this and text her friends on her rhinestone-encrusted RAZR, "omg..luk on blog..lolz!" What really ticks me off is that poor DH and some friends were up 'til about 1:30 in the morning last night (er, this morning...) putting down an IKEA floor in our ground floor room. So now instead of resting, he is off at Home Depot purchasing paint to cover up the prepubescent doodle. I know Princess Paintcan probably won't be able to get the car from Daddy for another few nights now that school has started, but we like people to know we're on top of it. I just hope next time DH is awake for it and can hold her for the cops like he's done before!

What am I doing here again?

We have a contractor at work. He's actually very nice, but I don't find him that competent. The questions that he's asked me so far have seemed like questions he should be answering himself...as in, Isn't this your job??

I'll try to explain the question he asked me in the non-geekiest terms possible. He is helping us set up an identity management (IDM) solution. In layman's terms, that means that someday, our users will not have to log in to every single application they use...once for Windows, once for email, once for each database, once for this application, once for that application, etc. They'll just log in to Windows, and everything else will "know" who they are. So anyway, he is setting up a connection between our current database of user information and the IDM solution. He has to call something to create a user, kind of like this (bear with me, you're going to see some pseudocode here!):

String firstName = "Heather";
String lastName = "Lott";
String password = "myPassword";
Statement statement = "insert into user(?, ?, ?)";
statement.setPlaceholder(firstName);
statement.setPlaceholder(lastName);
statement.setPlaceholder(encrypt(password));

Pretty simple, right? Everything's in a variable, and the password is encrypted before it's set (that's what the "encrypt()" around the password variable does). So he comes to my desk because the sample code I gave him (above), once he's modified it to use the connector stuff, is throwing an error, and he thinks the error is coming from my method (the encrypt()). The error is

Error near string [PASSWORD]

Now, he's getting the name and password out of a Map rather than setting them in variables (don't freak out, non-techies!! A Map is just a way to refer to things by their name! It's like going to the library and saying, "I want the book labeled 'First Name'"...then you are given the book and can see what information is inside.) Here's how he modified the code:

Statement statement = "insert into user(?, ?, ?)";
statement.setPlaceholder(myMap.get("FIRST_NAME"));
statement.setPlaceholder(myMap.get("LAST_NAME"));
statement.setPlaceholder(encrypt(PASSWORD));

Stay with me, non-geekies...anytime you have a String, it's in double-quotes. Anything NOT in double-quotes is assumed to be a variable.

Now, anyone see why he might get an error near PASSWORD??? There's no variable named PASSWORD!!! Hel-LO! Please turn on your brain! Or have some protein!! Do you even know how to program??

For the non-geeky, that last line should be

statement.setPlaceholder(encrypt(myMap.get("PASSWORD")));

Did any non-geekies understand me??? =)

Walk through

Yesterday we did an "official" walk through of our new place and made a punch list! Hopefully this week I'll have a chance to post pictures that DH took a week or so ago. Let me just say that builders must be some of the nastiest (i.e., dirtiest) creatures on earth. Let's forget for a moment what the toilet in the unit next door looked like (sooooo glad ours did not look that bad) and focus on generic trash. When we were making sure that all the cabinet doors/drawers opened OK, we noticed that a few of the drawers contained random assorted screws and also generic chunks of splintered wood. Why the heck is the wood in the drawer?? I mean, I do know why...because the cabinets were installed long before the countertop was put on, and they pretty much threw crap everywhere. But is it really that much easier to throw it in the drawer than, say, on the floor? Also in exciting cabinet news...we're missing a cabinet door. Apparently the cabinet guy took it with him. Schwunh?

Of course, all this stuff gets cleaned up...but isn't it so much easier to not get it dirty in the first place?? The floor is an absolute horror. We have prefinished bamboo floors. Now, in the other unit, it's the generic oak that they can sand and finish at the end. But for ours, it doesn't get redone, so any damage/scratching they are doing stays forever. And the boards have these little "micro-bevels" on each edge that are now filled with drywall dust and gunk. It especially ticks me off because I kept telling our architect that I did NOT, NOT, NOT want beveled edges, micro or otherwise. But he seemed incapable of finding them (even though I can go to ifloor.com and find "no bevel" edges), so I eventually had to give up. So, I will just have to live with gunk in them, because I have no confidence that they'll actually be able to get it all out. And I have even less confidence that my Scooba will be able to suck the dirt out, either. They did put paper down over the floor, but most of it is now torn or gone.

Enough negativeness...the deck is just awesome. The view is spectacular towards downtown, and we are high enough to see over the parking deck on one side and over the warehouses on the other. I love our master bath...the tile looks just amazing and I love our vessels sinks. I love the way our kitchen counter came out...when you're looking at a 2" square Corian sample, you never know how the variations are going to look on a giant counter. I'm also jazzed because we found a really great deal on curtains at Pottery Barn...dupioni silk and actually wide and long enough for our windows. Not as good a bargain as the dupioni silk queen duvet cover, 4 shams and bedskirt I got at the ADAC sample sale for $50, but still a good deal. =)

Nukular

Why can't people pronounce "nuclear" correctly?? Above that, why can't Kiefer Sutherland, whose job it is to say that word at least ten times per week, pronounce it correctly? It's not like he hasn't been doing it for five years!! Is it because he's so famous that no one has corrected him? Kind of like Diana Ross's "pronunciate"?? IT'S THREE SYLLABLES, PEOPLE! NEW-KLEE-ARE!!

Hmmm...two pronunciation blogs in two days...I really am a freak.