Thursday, September 20, 2012

Lottlympiad Closing Ceremony

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...inspiring music plays...

Bob: The majesty of another Lottlympiad... swells...
camera pans over a vast array of craft tools scattered across a landscape of half-eaten scones and empty tea cups

Bob: ...dreams are achieved, or missed...

sound of a record needle scratch

Bob: Jim, what are you doing??!?

Jim: Bob, it's been over a month since the Lottlympiad ended. Let's just get this over with.

Bob: Jim, what happened to your accent?

Jim: I don't want to talk about it.

Bob: I take it that your tea didn't go too well.

Jim: I said I don't want to talk about it. Can we get started, please?

Bob: Uh, OK, Jim...we are very behind schedule. First, let's go out to London Olympic Stadium and check in with Tom and Ato for an update on the Random Relay!

Jim: Wait, Bob, I thought that Random Relay was a swimming event.

Bob: Just go with it, Jim.

Jim: Uh, OK, but can we have Craig report it instead? He goes so much faster....

Bob: Good point, Jim. Craig?

Craig: Thanks-Bob-and-Jim. We're-here-for-the-Random-Relay-and-we-just-have-to-hope-the-baton-doesn't-get-dropped. Otherwise-four-more-years-with-no-gold. We-need-a-finish-of-the-bottom-row-for-a-silver--the-border-for-a-gold. We're-rounding-the-bend...
AND-IT'S-A-PHOTO-FINISH-FOR-THE-SILVER! RIGHT-AT-THE-LINE! But-how-does-the-overall-field-look?

Bob: Wow, that was fast. I think Craig may have been listening to Andres Cantor too much. So there we have it, folks, the first gold medal in these Games! What do you think of that, Jim?

Jim: Whatever, Bob.

Bob: Jim, seriously, what happened at tea?


Bob: OK, Jim, but you can't just blow off the rest of the update.


Bob: Jim, calm down! What phrase? "Blow off*"? Ohhhhhh...Jim, did you say that at tea?

Jim: YES! NO! Shut up, Bob.

Bob: OK, tell me the whole thing, Jim.

Jim: Well, the host was seating me, and I was just making conversation, you know?

Bob: Of course.

Jim: So I was telling him I was a broadcast journalist, and he seemed really impressed, until I told him I had blown off* work for the afternoon...then he just laughed and laughed.

Bob: Oh, Jim, what else did you say?

Jim: I'm...I'm not even sure. I had just gotten a haircut and even bought a new suit for the occasion, with Union Jack suspenders* and everything...

Bob: Uh-oh...

Jim: And so the first thing I did was ask the waitress if she wanted to see them...

Bob: What did she do, Jim?

Jim: She...she looked at me like I'd just said I was wearing women's underwear or something! So I tried to change the subject by asking what she thought of my haircut and if she liked the bangs*.

Bob: Oh dear. How did the rest of the tea go?

Jim: Well, she went away after that...for a while, actually...but eventually she came back with my tea, and I told her I needed some Splenda, if it was no biggie*.

Bob: Jim, did you get thrown out of the tea room?

Jim: *sobs*

Bob: While Jim tries to pull himself together, let's head out to Andrea and Elfi at the North Greenwich Arena for some Rhythmic Gymnastitch.

Andrea: Thank you, Bob. I hear we're short on time, so we'll get right to it.

Elfi: This is one of my favorite events. It's easy to see, because it's so visual.

Andrea: You really know how to boil things down to their essence, Elfi. So let's take a look at our result.

Elfi: What this young lady can do and what she does so brilliantly is her work is exquisite.

Andrea: Ah...yes. But I see this performance has earned a dreaded yellow. That was a lot of deductions.

Elfi: That's just because she's so good!

Andrea: I...see. It's still a bronze medal-winning performance, though. Back to you, Bob.

Bob: Thank you, Andrea. Elfi has her own way of expressing things, as usual.

Jim: She'd better be real careful here, Bob.

Bob: For our last report of the Games, we've received word from that the second gold medal of the games was earned in the Bead Triathlon! Let's take a look.

Bob: A shining result, and a great way to wrap up the games! Here's the medal count...
Final Medal Count

Bob: Well, that's it for this Games. We'll see you in 17 months in Sochi!

Jim: I'm never speaking a foreign language again, Bob!

Bob: Um, Jim, you were just using an weren't really--


Bob: *rolls eyes* Good plan, Jim. And goodnight to you all!

The Lottlymplete can't seem to make it past two Golds. All in all, though, a successful Games.

*To understand why Jim came across as so crass to his poor waitress, take a look at the slang here. And do a little research before you travel. =)


Annette said...

Wow! 12 medals! Good show :)

Daffycat said...

Beautiful work, Heather! Now, stop enabling!

cucki said...

i love the random thoughts so is on my to do list from a long time..just waiting for the material..your stitching is so beautiful ..
one question? did you use silk threads like they said in the pattern or dmc??please tell me..thank you..
yayyyyyyyyyyy for 12 models.
happy friday x

Erin (moviemuse) said...

Good show, my dear! I'm always amazed at how much you get done.

Melanie said...

Lovely showing, I say!!!!! And I always love the projects that you are working on.

Nic said...


Great work too

Joysze said...

I have to admit... I kinda scroll through all the commentary to gawk at the piccies. LOL!!!!! YUMMMMMY piccies, might I say!

Jo who can't think of a clever nickname said...

Love your commentary! At least Jim didn't ask if she liked his pants with his suspenders!!

My son laughs so much when we're reading an American book and it refers to trousers as pants.

Off to check out the slang directory now.

ps the stitching is amazing too.

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