Monday, August 11, 2008

Lottlympiad, Update 1

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Bob: Hello and welcome to the first Lottlympic update, on day 4 of the games!

Jim: Wait, Bob, that should be day 3.

Bob: What?

Jim: It's day 3. You know, Saturday, Sunday, is Monday: Day 3.

Bob: No, Jim, it's DAY FOUR. Friday was the first day...

Jim: But the only thing that happened Friday was the Opening Cermonies! And that was at night!

Bob: Actually, Jim, that's not true; there were soccer games that day, as well as other preliminaries...

Jim: But the Opening Ceremonies was the start! And that didn't end until, like, midnight. If a soccer game started after that, it would have been the next day, or "day two" by your count. Note that I'm doing air-quotes with my fingers right now.

Bob: Well, Jim, there are events going on before the Opening Ceremonies. Soccer was earlier in the day. And shooting, I believe. And, the Ceremonies started at 8am Eastern anyway, so...

Jim: Wait a minute. What are you talking about? 8am? It was dark there, man! You can't have fireworks during the day! Are you telling me Bejing is like Siberia, where it's dark for half the year?

Bob: No, Jim, it was 8am here. It was 8pm in Beijing; that's why it was dark. We're 8 hours behind Bejing. And it's only dark in Siberia during the Winter, not the Summer.

Jim: There's at least two things wrong with that statement. If it's 8am here when it's 8pm in Bejing, then we're ahead of them, not behind. Ahead, Bob.

Bob: No...we're behind. It's already tomorrow morning in Beijing.

Jim: Oh, I guess that's how you're coming up with one extra day. "Day Four"...I gotcha. Let's keep going with you and your crazy "future time". I'm air-quoting again, Bob.

Bob: No, Jim, that's not how I'm...nevermind. What's the other thing?

Jim: What?

Bob: The other thing wrong with my statement. You said there were two things wrong with my statement.

Jim: Oh,'s totally Winter in Siberia right now, because it's Summer here. You know, they're East of the Prime Median or whatever.

Bob: Meridian.

Jim: Yeah, Meridian.

Bob: Uh-hunh. Moving on... I'm afraid the Opening Ceremonies passed by without any participation in the Lottlympiad.

Jim: But things picked up on day one...I mean, "day two". We've already reached the Bronze Medal level in the Autumn Jewels Clean and Jerk.

Bob: That's right, Jim. A stunning one-day effort, especially considering most of the day was taken up with chores...unfortunately, none of them in the Chore Steeplechase event.

Jim: Yeah. Now, this is an interesting stance we're seeing in the Clean and Jerk. Can you explain what's going on here, Bob?

Bob: Jim, it looks like our stitcher is trying to capture the very last of the fading daylight to complete some detached buttonhole.

Jim: Ah, yes. She is working with some non-standard materials, isn't she?

Bob: Yes. She didn't care for the original orange chrysanthemum, so she changed it to a lovely shade of deep rose. Unfortunately, detached buttonhole in that color provided completely unworkable in anything but daylight. In this shot, she was trying to complete the last row.

Jim: But didn't she do one too many rows?

Bob: Normally she's a very good instruction follower. She blames poor short-term memory for her increased row count.

Jim: So she could have been done earlier.

Bob: Best not to bring that up, Jim.

Jim: That's some bumpy, curly detached buttonhole, Bob.

Bob: It's certainly not the best I've seen, Jim. But it's done! And quantity is what's counting in this Lottlympiad. As wiser souls would say, "If it looks OK from the back of a running horse..."

Jim: So that was all Saturday. What happened Sunday?

Bob: We don't have any shots from Sunday, but we've received reports of progress in the Tubey Tornado and the Peacock Dressage.

Jim: Will we have more medal progress after tonight?

Bob: Only time will tell.

Jim: So I was right! Day three! There hasn't been any activity today!!

Bob: Say goodnight, Jim.

Jim: Goodnight, Jim!

Bronze in the Autumn Jewels Clean and Jerk!! Chances for gold in the Tubey Tornado and Peacock Dressage are looking mighty slim....


Jill said...

Hilarious! Is there some poor budgeting in the Lottlympics preventing the use of artificial light (aka Ottlite)? Or is that grounds for DQ?

Karin said...

Too funny! Congrats on your finish!

Shanta Hayes said...

Good job, I can't wait to see you on the podium.

Anonymous said...

Great post! I love that piece - the three dimensional look is gorgeous!

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