WIP Wednesday (Owl Cowl!)

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I have finished the owl portion of my Owl Cowl!

I love it! It's a LOT bigger than I thought it would be, but I think it's going to be very cute when it's done.

Now I have a question...the chart has you putting the eyes on like this:

But...don't you think the cables set up the eyes? Like, on a real owl they would actually be here?

I'm probably either going to put some eyes peeking out of the cables there on my owl cowl or just leave them off my owl cowl entirely. What do you think?

Also, have I mentioned I like to say "owl cowl"??

JiffNotes
For more WIPs (possibly by people who don't question the patterns they're working on), head over to Tami's Amis!

Please Stop the Stupid, Groupon

Take a look at Groupon's Earth Day Celebration page here. I'll wait.

Done?

OK, just in case the link doesn't work for you (or it's forcing you to sign up and you don't want to...OR THEY HAVE HOPEFULLY PUT A HALT TO THE CRAZY):

Are you as flabbergasted as I am?? My email to customer service said, in part:

The Egyptians (to pick an old culture at random) would beg to differ with you. And remember that whole Y2K problem we had? Did you know that the "Y" in "Y2K" stands for "Year"?

My mental capacity and imagination are unable to stretch far enough to come up with a plausible explanation for what they're thinking. Earth Day was first celebrated in 1970 in San Francisco, so they can't have meant "40". Even strictly literal Biblical interpretations would say around 6,000! It wasn't a typo, because I got an email with different text that referred to the "400th" birthday and hoping we could make it to our "401st".

MAKE THE STUPID STOP!

[ETA]: Groupon customer service emailed me back and said that the copy was meant to be humorous. What do you think? Did it come across as humorous or just nuts?

Rant On

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People:

• A "boarder" is someone who rents a room from you. A "border" is something that surrounds an area.
• "Broach" is when you bring up a new topic. A "brooch" is a decorative pin.
• For bonus points..."stationary" is when something is standing still. "Stationery" is pretty paper for writing.

<rant-off />

JiffNotes
Sorry. My inner grammar nerd gets the best of me sometimes.

How to Recover History in Subversion (geek alert)

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WARNING: The Geek Content of this post is rated R for Really Technical Programming Mumbo Jumbo (don't read unless you're familiar with source control systems and hate dealing with them! This post exists to help Googlers like me with similar problems....)

Seriously, you might want to skip it.

Yesterday I spent about three hours fighting with Subversion. Somehow, it deleted a file from the server, when I was trying to switch to a revision. Due to some things that happened today, I'm thinking it actually occurred when I tried to resolve a conflict. Whatever.

Now, I had another local copy of the file, but I needed the entire history, because I was desperately trying to avoid branching (the default strategy for branching: Desperately Try to Avoid).

"No problem," I thought. I'll just commit this here local version, and it'll hook it back up to the history, and I'll be able to get to it."

WELL THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. The old history didn't show back up; just one line of history from the commit I'd just done.

WHY did I think that'd work? Because it worked that way in CVS, and no one has told me there's any difference between the two in that regard, just that Subversion is "better" than CVS. So far, notsomuch.

Anyway, to reduce my epic battle to the solution you're really here for, if you Googled, there is no way to rectify this situation through Subclipse in Eclipse. You need to use the command line interface to svn. I used this vanilla version for Windows (just unzip the distribution and plop it on your hard drive...there's no install), but you might (and I might!) want to explore TortoiseSVN.

The magic command is then:
svn copy --revision 9752 http://svn.lottloft.com/svn/app/trunk/myProject/src/com/lottloft/test/Test.java http://svn.lottloft.com/svn/app/trunk/myProject/src/com/lottloft/test/Test.java

(Note: svn.lottloft.com doesn't exist, so don't go looking for things there ;)

This looks REALLY strange, but you're essentially copying a past revision on top of the current one. You need to replace 9752 with the revision before you deleted the file (to do this, Show History for the folder containing the file; you'll be able to tell the last good revision from there).

I found lots of sites that suggest you can do a Reverse Merge to get a deleted file back, but that didn't bring the history forward for me, since I deleted then added the file, wiping history. If you just deleted the file, try the Reverse Merge first.

If you got here through Google, would it kill you to leave a comment telling me if this was useful to you? ;)

JiffNotes
Nothing to see here! Move along! Pretty pictures coming tomorrow!

Geeky Thing of the Day (Not Remotely Fascinating)

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WARNING: The Geek Content of this post has been rated DANGER, DANGER WILL ROBINSON...YOU MUST KNOW XML AND JAXB to continue! If these terms mean nothing to you (especially JAXB), BAIL NOW!

Your last chance to bail.

And this is why you always create a separate JAXB bindings file for your schema....

I'm all about keeping things together. Hibernate: XML file versus annotations? DUH, annotations, because then the class files are self-documenting! Inner class that's only used by its parent versus separate class? DUH, inner class, because then it's all in one place. So when I learned how to do custom bindings for JAXB, OF COURSE I put them right smack dab in the middle of the schema (XSD), because whytheheck would you have yet another file in your schema (we already have one for complex types, one for attribute groups, etc., etc.). That's just one more "piece" to get lost.

However.

Today I learned why you create a separate binding file. So here is your Cautionary Tale in Case You Are Considering Smashing Bindings into Your Schema As I Foolishly Did.

Wayyyyyy back at the end of January, we placed the finishing touches on a new web service, and it went into testing. We had a nice document that described all the elements in the XSD, what they were, whether they were required or optional, etc. However, we continually told the technical people, "When the test server goes live, you should use the XSD from the WSDL to code to, because that's what we're coding to."

They did not pay attention. And to make things worse, the pretty document (sent off accompanied by our XSD) did not get updated after the beginning of January (unbeknownst to us).

So THIS release, for some reason, they decided to actually pull down the latest XSD from the WSDL. I think you can see where this is going. Every tiny field that went from "required" to "optional" created a static wave of MAJOR FREAK-OUT from their project manager. Nevermind that: Who cares if you're sending it and we're not looking for it...there is no problem there...WHY USE LOGIC TO DETERMINE IF THERE IS A PROBLEM when you can just use DIFF!!

Most everything was explained away...except for a little issue of binding. Somehow, even though I set up "type_OurResponseToYou" to bind to OurResponse.class IN NOVEMBER, they pulled an XSD that was generating OurResponseToYou.class through JAXB.

Omigosh, recoding! RECODING!!! DING DING DING EVERYBODY PANIC!!!

Dudes. Not only did we tell you to use the XSD from test (which has ALWAYS, since the BEGINNING OF TIME, i.e., BEGINNING OF TEST, bound to OurResponse.class), we had no idea you were going to go and run our stuff through JAXB on your end! This was not a fixed interface!!

So. It turns out that we build using Ant, and you can specify an external binding file on the xjc task. You don't have to refer to it in your schema, you don't have to refer to it in the WSDL, you can keep it secret, keep it safe.

The moral of this story is, share your XSD, but keep your binding file close to the vest. Let them define their own. That way, if your IT organization implements a new naming standard, or you get a name conflict you can't resolve with packages (really?), or you JUST DECIDE ON A WHIM TO MAKE MORE WORK FOR YOURSELF BY RENAMING EVERYTHING, you can do it without freaking out your client.

JiffNotes
Pictures of pretty yarn soon! =)

Idiot...Genius! Nope, Idiot.

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In which I make what I think is a really brilliant move.

So, I made good progress on Random Thoughts, and Wednesday night I was closing in on finishing the house at the top, when I realized CRAPCRAPCRAP...the house is TOO LOW by ONE STITCH!!!

Notice how the chimneys on the house fail to line up with the leaf. It also seemed like the house wasn't lining up with the "d" as it should.

Idiot!

The next day I was thinking about what I could possibly do do fix this without frogging the whole thing (higher chimney? But the bottom of the house is still too low and won't line up with everything else...), when it hit me: I could easily modify this house to look like our loft! (OK, so it's a townhouse, but that doesn't have the alliteratory feel when combined with Lott, now does it?) After all, we have two stories with three giant windows apiece...I could just redesign the bottom floor a little shorter (it is, anyway), and then add our deck story with railing and beehive (when you went to Georgia Tech, you cannot refer to anything as a "doghouse"), so it'll be taller. It'll be great! So, that's what I did:

Genius!

Except...

After I frogged the chimneys, roof and bottom story, I noticed that things were lined up next to that "d"...um...like they should have been in the first place. Without me frogging that part. Which meant the house was right in the first place...what?? How could that be? I look at the chart. Back to the linen. Chart. Linen. Chart. Linen. Oh, crap. When I stitched the original house, I left off one row of the roof. That's why it was too short.

Idiot.

JiffNotes
I can do calculus, but apparently I cannot count. But now that I've "personalized" this sampler with my own townhouse loft instead of the charted house, I'm thinking of doing the same thing later on...there's another house, and I think I can make it look just like our old loft....

Walk the Dinosaur

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Because of today's Cake Wrecks post, I watched this video (which, being cable "deprived" most of my life, I'd never seen before). Here, I'll wait while you enjoy the cheesiosity:

Walk the Dinosaur video (I am way too lazy to figure out how to embed this) link

So, yeah.

There's a lot of things I could say about that video (the hair! the costumes! the JACKET ON THE DRUMMER!!!), but my main thought was,

MAN, I miss the days when scantily-clad hot dancers actually smiled and looked like they were enjoying themselves.

If this video had been made today, those dancers would have been poutily vamping to the camera and taking themselves wayyyy too seriously. I know, I know...not the dancers' faults. The director. Hey directors, they're dressed as CAVEWOMEN.

Get over yourselves.

JiffNotes
I'm sorry you're now singing BOOM BOOM ACKA LACKA LACKA BOOM....

Ask a stupid question...

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"Someone" (name withheld to protect the guilty) sent me an email a while back, and I couldn't help answering some of the deep thoughts included. These were meant to be rhetorical questions asked for humor, but being the extreme literalist I am, I couldn't help myself. I was going to answer ALL of them, but then even I got bored, so I decided to spare you.

Can you cry under water?

Yes. This is kind of like asking if you can pee in a pool, although crying underwater is acceptable.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

With my "extensive" research from Wikipedia, I can tell you that you don't have to be that important. It's more to do with the motivation of your assassin (or murderer, if they have no idealogical bent and weren't employed to bump you off). Once again, it's not about you. =)

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'.. But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

This is a supply/demand question. You're always eager to supply opinions, but you must demand people listen to them.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Square boxes are cheaper to make and assemble.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

We weren't in a luggage race with the Soviet Union. At least, not that I know of.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Yes. Just like if a blind person goes to a funeral home, it's still called a viewing.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

I think the answer to this question should be obvious (the key word being "decent"), and that we should begin preemptively jailing people who eat burnt toast to prevent them committing unspeakable crimes/really bad art.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

I believe you're making a lyrical error in this fine old song...the lyric is "Jimmy crack corn and I don't care". Someone cares. It's still not about you.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Clearly, he was an electrical engineer and not a mechanical engineer.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

I'm sure he'd be happy for you to share your source for roadrunner filets. Also, have you never heard the term "grudge match"??

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

READ THE LABEL. What am I, the Book of Knowledge? Sheesh.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

No. Just like heredity doesn't come from herons. (Subtracting "ity" plus the preceding two letters and then adding "ons" does not a joke make.)

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Yes. You're a freakin' musical genius. Don't talk to me until you can hum the themes from Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark and Superman in quick succession.

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

What? "Hemisphere"? You mean, "atmosphere"?? Really, now I think you're just being ridiculous.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

My dog never got mad at me when I blew in his face. Perhaps you should have a Tic Tac, because, DUDE, if your dog thinks your breath is bad....

JiffNotes
Since I know at least ONE of you out there is simply DYING with the SUSPENSE...I did not get picked to serve on a jury. In fact, I got to go home at lunch! And, you know, work the rest of the day. Yay.

Theoretically, the "A" is for "Analyst"

Wednesday morning at work, my BA (business analyst) was to give a training class for the application on which I've spent the last 10 months of my life (to the user acceptance test team).

I have it on good authority that his first words upon launching the application were, "This is the first time I'm looking at this."

And his second statement was, "So, what do you guys want to see?"

Awesome.

It's Nerd to Me, Apparently

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Your result for The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test...

Modern, Cool Nerd

61 % Nerd, 61% Geek, 22% Dork

For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.


You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd.

Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)!

Take The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test at HelloQuizzy

JiffNotes
For the record, I say that the difference between a nerd and a geek is that the geek can tell when people's eyes are glazing over and knows when to shut up about her obsessive interests.

Who? What? When? Where?

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Why haven't I posted in over a month?? Well, a combination of work and holidays. I can't even remember Thanksgiving. I remember eating way too much, but not where most of the weekend went. Yet another reason I should not neglect the blog....

I had these grand plans of writing lots of posts ahead during the Thanksgiving holidays, so that when the inevitable pre-Christmas crush hit me, there would still be a reason for you to come here. Alas, I could not find the motivation. I was too ramfeezled. (Isn't that a great word? It means "exhausted"...it came up in Balderdash on Christmas. I'm going to try to work it into conversations at work.) My project at work progressed as I knew it would; the business analyst (sic) rambled along discussing minutia until he was satisfied, with nary a breakdown of the requirements into functional tasks, and then expected that all design was done, and we would instantly be able to produce a delivery date. I started panicking over when I would shop, bake, wrap, and decorate, all the while running to choir rehearsals. Here's a sample weekend for you:

Friday: Took the day off! Hooray! Oh, wait...no time to relax. Go to Home Depot and get the tree. Bring it home. Leave immediately for Michael's parents' to visit his dad who is just out of the hospital. Leave from there for church for a service project and party afterwards. Get home about 10:30. The tree is up, but naked.

Saturday: Get up, go straight to choir practice. Go from there to sing at retirement home. Go from there to gingerbread house party (so fun!) and from there straight to "Cookies and Carols" party (also FUN!) Have to beg piece of lunchmeat off host so that I don't pass out from elevated blood sugar levels, since there was no time to stop for dinner. Get home about 11:30.

Sunday: Get up, go to church. Get home about 1:30, and lie catatonic for an hour. Get up, and begin putting lights and garland on. Cook dinner. Since it's the seventh, I have a playdate 'til the wee hours. Note that tree still only contains garland and lights.

And a sample week:

Monday: Work. After work, head to really fun Christmas party. Get home about 10.

Tuesday: Work. After work, begin throwing ornaments on tree.

Wednesday: Work. After work, head to choir practice. Get home about 10. Try on dress (two years old) for company party the following night and become depressed.

Thursday: Be at work super-early (for me) for all-hands meeting. Panic at lunch and run to the mall and purchase new dress for company party. Work from home rest of the afternoon. Begin getting ready for 7:00 party (30 minutes away) at 6:15. Get home around 11.

Friday: Work. Shop. Continue putting ornaments on the tree. This won't be finished until Sunday...only 10 days after the tree went up!

And that weekend was the weekend of our Festival of Lessons and Carols, which although beautiful and fun, is also a lot of work.

You may think from this post that I hate the holidays. You'd be completely wrong. I LOVE Christmas!! I just hate all the non-important cr@p (like, for instance, WORK) that gets in the way of my holiday fun. I was all put out this year that due to working full time, I could not put in my normal two full days of cookie baking and was only able to produce 23 dozen of 6 different kinds. Usually I go for about 8-10 kinds. And I'd bake for three days if I could get away with it!!

Squelching on my holiday fun also were our architects, one of which showed up at our doorstep on Saturday afternoon before Christmas and said, "Hey, I know we still need to patch some drywall for you, and I know you said you wanted advance notice, so I thought I'd let you know that they can come tomorrow!!" Fortunately, I was not the one that answered the door. Advance notice. Uh-hunh. Well, I guess for a man that usually calls our home phone during a work day at 11am and leaves a message saying that someone will be available at 2 and can we be home then...that is advance notice. We usually hear those messages when we get home at 7.

Now, I don't know if you've experienced drywall repairs, but sanding drywall creates this hyper-fine white dust that insidiously creeps throughout the house, covering literally every horizontal surface (and most vertical ones). It will show up in rooms where you've had the doors closed or two floors down from where a repair was done if you're not careful. Last time we had a repair made, I built a plastic cube for the guy to work in and carried pan after pan of boiling water up the stairs to humidify the cube so the dust would hopefully settle! Anyway, after I completely blew up and said I didn't have time to deal with this (T-minus 3.5 days 'til family events, with nary a present wrapped, nary a cookie baked), Michael insisted that he'd take care of everything.

Sunday after church he moved furniture, wrapped it in plastic and taped up drop cloths. Then he ran into the other architect, who actually seems like he might live on the same planet as the rest of the human race. That architect told Michael that they were actually showing up Monday. Great. That's cookie day. I had to pause the baking until "Pig-Pen", our drywaller, left. I am still unsure how he managed to get drywall paste on our bedside table, when it was a good ten linear feet from a patch site, or a good six feet from one through a wall. The first architect showed up at some point to ask if they could come back on Christmas Eve to finish. The conversation went something like this:

Me: We're going to be gone that day.

Architect of Unreality: Well, you can just let us in in the morning.

Me: I don't want to be cleaning up when we get home that night.

Architect of Unreality: We'll clean up!

Me: <pause...while I remember past experiences of what this architect labels "clean" and while I try to think of a way to explain his unacceptableness in this area...I settle for> Yeah, but I'm really picky.

Architect of Unreality: <who fortunately has past experiences with me, too> Yeah...OK.

Instead, they're going to show up on the 23rd at 10 and 5!! Fabulous! That's not going to destroy the day at all! "Pig-Pen" leaves at about 7, cursing and banging walls with his ladder and asking, "How did you get the furniture in here??" to which I respond, "Very carefully!" and avoid adding, "unlike how you're navigating with your ladder!"

Now, at this point in the day, the cookies are baked, yea, verily, and even assembled for transport to various households, they have been delivered to our hairstylist (who, along with his wife, is the most appreciative cookie recipient EVER!), and I am looking forward to a relaxing evening watching something and wrapping. Instead, however, Michael's "I'll do it all" slightly breaks down and I end up spraying down plastic sheets with water, wiping down walls on two floors, holding the ladder while Michael uses it at angles it was never intended to be used at, sweeping, and mopping. Fortunately, I only lose a couple hours, and all wrapping is done by about 11:30 or so.

Then the good stuff could happen...all day with my parents and my sisters, watching smiles light up, goodies be consumed, and paper fly. And, totally scoring with the nieces and nephews. The nephews (ages twentysomething) got The Dangerous Book for Boys, which I thought they might cast aside...but by the afternoon they both had their noses buried and were trying out the perfect paper airplane (one's flying jets for the Navy =). The nieces (teen and just out of college) got Vera all-in-one wristlets (thanks again, Angela, for the suggestion!!) which they loved. The youngest niece got a hand-stitched ornament (which I sadly do not seem to have a picture of!), a build-your-own track marble game (both of which elicited "Cool!")...and...a teensy kiddie starter digital camera in pink. Which, it turned out, and unbeknownst to me, had been on her list since summer. Goooooaaaalllll!

On Christmas, we went to church in the morning (a first for us; usually we do Christmas Eve service). The service was beautiful and it was fabulous to start our celebration of our Lord and Savior's birth on the actual day! After church (and presents) we went out to visit Michael's parents for the rest of the day.

And here is why my hubby is the best...my presents were

• the Yarn Harlot's new page-a-day calendar


• Dance Dance Revolution Universe 2


• a stocking stuffed with marzipan (I'm a marzipan nut!) and other goodies


• The Major and the Minor on DVD

and in the "are you sure you're really a girl?" department...

• a Leatherman! I've been wanting one for years!


• Dilbert 2.0

AAAAND...

• ROCK BAND 2! With DRUMS!!!!!

Swoon...

JiffNotes
If you're still with me, you deserve a medal. If you clicked down here from the top, well...I had a fabulous, but busy and sometimes annoying, Christmas. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, whether you observed it or not. And I pray you have a healthy, fulfilling new year!

Disney Dump

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Some time ago, I was giving the blow by blow of our trip to Disney wayyyy back in November. Well, I will spare you the gory details of the rest of the days, but there were a few pictures I wanted to share.

Here's an actual successful attempt at Kinnearing!
Yes, that is a parent in a U(sic)GA shirt with his kid in a Goofy hat. Those of you who live in Georgia or play U(sic)GA in any sort of sports will understand why that's so very, very funny.

Getting stuck on It's a Small World for half an hour is something no one wants...unless you're my husband. He had a fabulous time identifying where each and every kid in the "white room" hailed from. I tried and failed to count the points on the temari the Japanese kid was holding. We had to climb off the boat at the end while a cast member held it close to the "bank" with a stick. This is what the ride control booth looked like:
That's one of those "you know you're in trouble when" pictures. As we were leaving, with our four "front of the line" passes (to which we put good use), Michael said to one of the guys in the booth, "I know other people are upset, but for this guest, getting stuck was a Dream in a Million!" They all laughed heartily.

I do have to mention Fabulous Cast Member #3 at the Haunted Mansion. We lingered in the Stretching Room until all the other guests had left, because they have upgraded the soundtrack in there. At the end, the gargoyles whisper things.... One of the cast members noticed this, and so as our Doom Buggy was about to leave the boarding area, he hopped on the side, held his finger to his lips, and said, "Shhhh...." Then he used his flashlight to give us a glimpse of the original portraits from the hallway in the ride, now hung in the "foyer" (the first room you go through). How cool was that??

Remember the Foreshadowing? I did end up getting a sinus infection, and we decided to pony up the change for a doctor. Once I had some antibiotics, I felt much better, and was never as tired as this poor child:
Dude, that's half-past nap time for sure!

To close, let me give you the final results of this trip's Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin contest between Michael and I (which isn't really a contest, of course. Unless I win.) Michael chips away at my lead!

But I dash his hopes immediately...


A brief interlude while I show you one of my favorite things about EPCOT:


And now, the finals! Winner takes all! (Or, more accurately, nothing but bragging rights...). And I've got 'em baby! I've got two words for you:
SPACE ACE!!

Michael collapses in defeat:
I feel I must be fair to mention that my Space Ace was only made possible by the fact that we got stuck on the ride at some point for a minute or two. Of course, Michael may not want me to mention that near his score.... =)

That's all folks! Until our next picture-laden trip...see you real soon!

JiffNotes
I finally finished blogging the Disney trip...does this mean it's time to go back now?? If you're cravin' more Disney, especially the Most Awesome Pirates of the Caribbean Pictures Ever, head to Erin's blog....

I enjoy...being a geek! Er, girl!

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Teresa guessed it first...it is, indeed, the Catherine Theron piece (Quaker Sewing Case, to be precise). It's still not done. The thing is requiring a Herculean effort to finish, and my continual mistakes are not helping. Things should be smooth now that I've reached the point of yesterday's picture, but when you're clumsy like me, you can never tell.

Today, however, I do have a finish! I finished another Ribs and Ruffles (I always want to say, "Ruffles and Ridges") scarf like the ones I did for my nieces, only this one is for myself. I wore that fluffy pink sweater to church this morning with a sparkly embellished skirt. Someone actually told me I looked like a fairy! *blush* Or, at least, was dressed like one. ;) After all this girliness, what did I come home and do?

Why, I fixed the can opener, what else??

Michael took it apart yesterday, because he was convinced its state of only working intermittently was caused by a mechanical problem. When I say, "intermittently," I mean that 1 in 20 button presses results in actual motion and an open can, rather than fruitless clicking or brief whirring. After looking at it and manipulating the internal button, it turns out I was closer to the truth when I said it was a short. It wasn't actually a short...it was even better. Let me show you the crazy:

Now, let's leave aside the stupid way that that tiny black button gets pushed. That tiny black button presses down on the tiny black spring, which causes contact 1 to...um...make contact with contact 2, thus completing the circuit and making the canopener "go". Wanna see the spring/contact 1 piece from the top? Too bad, here's a shot, anyway:

If you're thinking it's kind of rinky-dink, you're thinking like me. I tried bending contact 1 to make it hit contact 2 better, but that wasn't really the problem. The problem was that half the time when they did make contact, there was a spark!!
That is not inherently a problem, but it had aparently sparked so many times that there was carbon built up on both contacts. So, chick that I am, I grabbed a metal nail file (and yes, it is pink, too, but I really don't own that much pink stuff, I promise!!) and made the contacts all shiny again.

And now it works like a charm. ;)

JiffNotes
I can bring home the bacon...wire up an electric frypan....

I'm sotally tober, why do you ashk, osifer?

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This is a picture taken outside our office building. Sadly, I did not see it in person.

Yes, that is a pedestrian bridge. Yes, that is a car. Yes, the driver was intoxicated, why do you ask?? I'm wondering how she managed to not go in the drink (so to speak), and why it did not occur to her she might be driving somewhere she shouldn't when 1) she drove down some stairs (click to make the picture bigger and look through the tree branches), 2) she was driving across a wooden bridge in a Metro Atlanta office park or 3) the "siderails" on the bridge were mere inches from the sides of her car. Aparently she got the clue when she realized she'd need to drive up some stairs to continue. And by "got the clue," I mean, "passed out in her car to be found by a security guard the next morning."

JiffNotes
Turn down the stupid. Please.

Cuffed

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Obligation October was supposed to be about getting Christmas presents done early. I "only" had to bead a necklace for my youngest sister. (She doesn't want anything really fancy, so you wouldn't think it'd take long. Of course, since it's me, it will take longer because it requires me to "create" a pattern. It'd be much faster if I was just following one.) I thought I'd also make some bracelets for my nieces. I've given them bracelets the past few years. A bracelet is a good, non-committal fashion accessory. They aren't integral to an outfit, so you can give a cool one to someone with a greater-than-normal chance it might actually be worn. This year, I thought, I'll knit bracelets. One had come up in my Knitting Page a Day Calendar that looked like a good candiate. I went to an LYS to get the sparkly yarn for it, but they didn't have the yarn the pattern called for (R2 by Rowan). So, I bought pretty much the only sparkly yarn they did have (it was my first visit there, so I felt like I needed to get something). It wasn't silver and copper, like the pattern called for, but gold and pewter should still look cool, right?? Forget about the fact that one was a chainette and the other a tubular; I mean, really, what could go wrong?

Honestly, the random yarn was the least of my problems. I'm going to list the "corrections" I made to the pattern here, just because, even with my limited knitting experience, I'm pretty sure there's no way you're going to end up with what's in the picture if you follow the instructions. I mean, logically, the bracelet is supposed to have picots on both sides. If the instructions tell you to make picots at the beginning of every fourth row, is it going to have picots on both sides? Why, no. No, it's not. It's only going to picots on one side. That was once I had to frog. And forget about the instructions given for the picots. I did what made sense to me. Frog deux! Also, if you count the beads you're supposed to put on each yarn (12 each = 24 beads), and then count the number of times you use a bead in the pattern (4 x 3.5 repeats = 14 beads), they are disturbingly dissimilar.

I can't find my notes on this pattern right now, so I'll update this post later. But here's what I remember. Every row immediately following a row that starts with MP, MP in the same color as the previous P on that same side. After the first time through, MP at the beginning of row 1 as well. There's also a missing row in the instructions, but it should be fairly obvious what it should be to continue the pattern.

Also, I did another two repeats (sans beads), because the bracelet wasn't long enough.

And after all that, I'm not too enthused about it. I'm thinking of trying some other things for the other two nieces--maybe a bookmark and a set of wrist warmers. Of course, one of the nieces is getting married next April...hey, I could knit her a garter!! Anyone know any good patterns???

JiffNotes
So much for getting Christmas gifts out of the way quickly.

Don't read this; it'll just make you mad...or confused

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After spending an hour on the phone with Earthlink last week to correct a "pending charge" of $149.95 (for "early termination"...hahahahaha), I got an invoice from them today that they had charged me the $149.95, anyway. I had a credit on my account of about $110 (from previous invalid charges), and then they charged the remaining $44 or so to my Amex. So, my account balance was zero, and they owed me $149.95. Simple, right? ... I had to pause there so that my insane laughter could taper off.

Here's how the chat went (and in the interest of full disclosure, I had some of the numbers wrong; this month's invoice charged me $149.95 + a valid $3.95 monthly fee, and I left that out of some of my calculations):

'Gordy B' says: Thank you for contacting EarthLink LiveChat, how may I help you today?
lottloft@mindspring.com: Hello! My recent invoice, ###, shows a charge of $149.95. That should have been credited to me; the confirmation number I have for you is ###, from Carl.
Gordy B: I am sorry to hear that.
Gordy B: Please let me check our records and assist you.
Gordy B: I would like to inform you that you were charged $149.95 on invoice but not on your card. Right?
lottloft@mindspring.com: I previously had a credit balance of $110.84. So, $43.06 was charged to my card.
Gordy B: Yes, that is right, you were provided a credit of $99.95 as the Waver for the DSL service.
lottloft@mindspring.com: yes, this was the second time I was charged this invalid charge.
Gordy B: But were charged $50.00 as a partial charge for the equipment as you are still under the commitment with Phone service.
lottloft@mindspring.com: nope, I don't have phone service with you
lottloft@mindspring.com: Are you unable to find the credit with the confirmation number ###
Gordy B: One moment.
Gordy B: Thank you for being on hold.
Gordy B: Yes, I see that according to the case you were provided only a credit of $110.00 and not more than that.
lottloft@mindspring.com: That is incorrect. At the time, my account had a $110 credit on it already, and a "pending charge" of $149.95. The confirmation number I gave you was to revoke the $149.95 pending charge. It is an invalid charge, as I should not have been charged for early cancellation (I've been with you for about 10 years). I also should not have been charged the $50 moving fee, as the service was never moved. I have no desire to waste another hour of my day arguing on the phone as I did when I got that confirmation number, so please rectify this situation now, or pass me to a supervisor who can help me.
Gordy B: I am sorry to inform you that according to the confirmation number provided to you the information is as " tell eu that we already provide the credit for 110 dollars".
lottloft@mindspring.com: OK, well, pass me to someone that can credit this second incorrect charge.
lottloft@mindspring.com: The $149.95 is an invalid charge.
Gordy B: One moment.
Gordy B: Thank you for being on hold.
Gordy B: I see that the balance of $43.06 has been provided to you as credit.
Gordy B: On your account and it will be adjusted on your future invoices.
Gordy B: I am sorry for the confusion with the statement in the case number referred by you.
lottloft@mindspring.com: What is my current account balance?
Gordy B: It is that you have no balance due on your account.
Gordy B: From your end.
lottloft@mindspring.com: So, you should be issuing me a credit of $149.95 for the invalid charge: $110.84 of which was paid from the previous credit on my account, and $43.06 of which was charged to my American Express.
Gordy B: Yes, you are right.
lottloft@mindspring.com: ok
Gordy B: I appreciate your patience and understanding in this concern.
Gordy B: Is there anything else I can help you with?
lottloft@mindspring.com: When will that credit be issued?
Gordy B: It is already been issued and you will receive it within 7 - 10 days on your Amex card account.
lottloft@mindspring.com: What is my confirmation number for that?
Gordy B: One moment.
Gordy B: Thank you for being on hold.
Gordy B: The confirmation number is " ###".
Gordy B: Have I answered all your queries?
lottloft@mindspring.com: I just want to make sure I understand. In 7-10 days, a credit will appear on my American Express for $149.95. The confirmation number for this transaction is ###
Gordy B: The balance of $43.06 will appear out of $149.95 with the confirmation number provided.
lottloft@mindspring.com: So I should deny the charge of $43.06 to my American Express that has already occurred?
Gordy B: Yes, it will be refunded on your Amex Card back.
lottloft@mindspring.com: So, to confirm again. In 7-10 days, two credits will appear on my American Express. One for $43.06, and one for $106.89.
Gordy B: I did not get you by $106.89.
lottloft@mindspring.com: You owe me $149.95. I am trying to understand how that credit will be given to me.
Gordy B: I would like to inform you that you were already provided $110.00 and now I have provided you $43.06 as the refund and that makes the total of $153.06 that was deducted from your card.
lottloft@mindspring.com: That $110 was from a previous invalid charge.
lottloft@mindspring.com: It was applied to the $149.95 you incorrectly charged me AGAIN
Gordy B: You were charged only once for the invalid charges.
lottloft@mindspring.com: That is incorrect
Gordy B: I assure you that you were never charged twice for the incorrect amount.
lottloft@mindspring.com: I have been charged multiple times for invalid charges, and I am getting really, really tired of it.
Gordy B: But according to our records and invoices with our database I see that the balance is correct.
lottloft@mindspring.com: On 8/15, I was incorrectly charged for ADSL reactivation.
lottloft@mindspring.com: AND for Unlimited DIal up
lottloft@mindspring.com: These charges were in the amount of $116.19
lottloft@mindspring.com: The credit requests were approved on 8/21.
lottloft@mindspring.com: This resulted in my account having a credit balance of $116.19 (invoice ###)
lottloft@mindspring.com: Then, on 8/24, I was incorrectly charged for shipping on returned equipment.
lottloft@mindspring.com: This credit request was approved on 9/28.
lottloft@mindspring.com: This resulted in my account having a balance of $110.84
lottloft@mindspring.com: As it did, at the start of invoice ###
Gordy B: Yes, you are right.
Gordy B: But I need to also deduct the charges of $3.95 for 3 months on that amount. Right?
lottloft@mindspring.com: The $3.95 for 3 months is a valid charge. I am on the email-only plan.
Gordy B: Okay, if those charges are deducted from $149.95 then the balance can be provided to you.
lottloft@mindspring.com: No, those charges were all paid as well. We are disputing an invalid charge of $149.95. Since my account shows a zero balance, you owe me $149.95
Gordy B: Okay, as you wisht.
lottloft@mindspring.com: You need to credit me $149.95. That is the amount that I have paid you that I should not have.
lottloft@mindspring.com: OK, so you are going to credit my American Express $149.95. What is the confirmation number for that?
Gordy B: The confirmation number will be the same.

I have to say that the most distressing thing about this whole fiasco is the rep's use of a line from The Princess Bride to surrender.

JiffNotes
Earthlink still stinks. I'll be astonished if they get my account right next month.

Surprise, surprise

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If you're reading this, it means that I have successfully kidnapped my husband for the weekend. His birthday is on Sunday, and I have no present. You see, when you move, you suddenly realize how much stuff you have. And if anyone asks you, "What would you like for {insert random happy occasion}?" you reply, "NOTHING!! Not anything. Not now. Not ever. I never want another thing." (unless you are me, then you still want yarn, linen, overdyed threads and the like...) So, since we have been knocking ourselves out every weekend for the past large interval of time, I thought we deserved a break. And the only way to take a break from a place that's got stuff all over it that needs to be put away, assembled, or generally organized is to leave it. It's still possible (at the time I'm writing this Friday afternoon) that when I show up to pick up DH, he decides that he just wants to veg at home. And that's OK, too. After all, I've only invested one day planning....

My initial plan was to spend yesterday surfing, making reservations and finding cool things to do. Friday I was going to pack, meet with a realtor, clean up and head up to DH's office. This is before UPS decided that if you call "after the cutoff time" on Monday to reschedule package delivery Thursday, they do not, in fact, do the sane thing and process the request on Tuesday, leaving the local center two perfectly good days to kick the request around and figure out the logistical extravaganza of getting one more package on the truck for Thursday. NO, good readers. Instead, they immediately put the package in will call. Schwunh?? So, after calling all day Thursday and having the system tell me, "We are in the process of arranging to have your package delivered today," I finally demanded the automated system let me talk to a real person. (And, yes, that really is the verbiage they used.) When the representative told me that the package wasn't coming, and wouldn't be coming Friday, either, I burst into tears. Not sniffy, weepy tears, either. Full-out, sobbing, stuttering, scary crying. Poor agent. Entirely not her fault; it was the fault of the idiot I talked to Monday. I apologized to her. The happy ending is that the pickup center is not too far from here, and is open until 9pm, so when DH arrived home from work at 7:30 (and saw the look on my face), we went to pick up the modem. So today, I had to do the whole thing. And that's my excuse for still not having pictures, when I have a perfectly wonderful DSL modem that trucks along at 6Mbps (I checked at www.speedtest.net).

JiffNotes
Heather has left the building...er, state.

September's here, where am I?

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So, it's been September for nigh unto two weeks, and there's been nary a peep from me. Well, that's because BellSouth can't seem to figure out where my phone number went. Or, rather, they know exactly where it is, but, for some reason that is completely unfathomable to me, my spouse, and nearly anyone else I tell about it, they seem loathe to reconnect it. You'd think I hadn't paid my bill on time faithfully for the last ten years or something. (That was sarcasm. I've only been late on a bill twice that I can remember: once as a result of vacation, and once as a result of being in college, and I wired them money immediately. And those weren't even to BellSouth.) Anyway, no phone, no DSL. No DSL, no blogging. Or, very, very limited blogging.

Here's the story, as short as I can make it (In other words, you might want to grab a cup of your favorite relaxing beverage at this point and take a seat.) I have a longstanding grudge against AT&T. So since BellSouth is now part of "the new AT&T", I was chomping at the bit to switch my phone service over to Earthlink (who was providing my DSL). I called Earthlink before I moved. I told them I wanted to move my number to them, but that I was physically moving, and I wanted the old number at the new place, with DSL. This was too much for them to handle, even though I was only moving 100 feet. So, I said I would call them back after BellSouth moved the number. BellSouth had trouble with the move, because our architects are morons and didn't carry the phone wire outside the loft. The poor tech burned out three drill batteries, a drill motor, and sprained his wrist trying to drill through our brick walls, but he eventually got it done. Meanwhile, I've placed the order with Earthlink to switch the number to them. Since DSL takes "7-10 days" to switch, I had them disconnect it August 15th. It's now August 20th. I am not going to go into the blow-by-blow of Earthlink's abysmal customer service at this point, because I don't want to raise my blood pressure that high again, but let's just say that for a week, I got emails saying my address did not match, and it was because they had left out a hyphen. And they had my billing address correct, but could not see that the service address was one character different. I can't begin to explain the special kind of stupid they are. Add to this the fact that I was repeatedly lied to, and their most annoying habit of parrotting back your last comment to "demonstrate their understanding" of your issue. And the fact that even though "disconnection" of the old DSL takes 3-4 days, and the whole switching process takes 7-10 days, once they straightened out the address issue, connecting the new DSL was still going to take "7-10 days". This must be that "New Math" I've heard about. Wait, lied to, you say? Why yes, I say! Here's an example:

Me: I'd like to speak to someone in Atlanta, please. Earthlink world headquarters is one mile from me. I could walk down there.

Rep: Sure, hold on and I will get you someone from Atlanta.

[Pachelbel's Canon in D, which I fear I will now twitch whenever I hear, plays incessantly]

Rep 2: Hello, how may I help you?

Me: Where are you?

Rep 2: The Phillippines.

Me: I was supposed to be transferred to a representative in Atlanta.

Rep 2: I'm so sorry you were told that, but we have no customer service reps in Atlanta. They are all in the Phillippines or India. Maybe I can help you?

Me: That is highly unlikely....

I eventually (August 27th) decide that even though I've now figured out their address conundrum, and I'm due to be switched over on September 4th, with swanky DSL 8.0 to follow, that I hate them more than AT&T and I don't want anything more to do with these morons. Imagine if my phone line (which would be some bastardized VOIP) goes out. I'd have to talk to the passel of fools again! So, I called Earthlink and cancelled the phone service order. Here's how the DSL conversation went:

Me: So, my previous service was $49.95/month, correct? And what was my speed then?

Rep: That's right, and your speed was 1.5 Mbps.

Me: Well, I'd like to sign up for 6.0.

Rep: Let me check...that's not available in your area.
(NOTE: BellSouth can give me 6.0. Why can't Earthlink?? And, I do understand why I could get 8.0 with home phone service...it has to do with line provisioning...I won't bore you.)

Me: OK, what can I get?

Rep: 3.0 or 1.5.

Me: And how much is 3.0?

Rep: $49.95 a month.

Me: ... And how much is 1.5?

Rep: $39.95 a month.

Me: But I'd have to sign a year contract, right?

Rep: Yes.

Me: Keep me at my current 1.5 for $49.95/month, no contract.

I've since downgraded to email only, and, if you've visited my web site, that's why some of it is hosed right now. I'm planning to register my own domain and host it there, but I digress. So I look at the calendar, and realize, OH NO! September 4th is the day after Labor Day!! What are the chances Earthlink screws this up? Ridiculously good, it turns out. Even though I had a confirmation number for the cancellation, and called them three more times over the next few days, AND I called BellSouth and told them not to disconnect the number, on September 4th, it was disconnected. I've talked to BellSouth at least twice a day since then. They still haven't fixed it. Oh, today, I actually got a dial tone, but it was the wrong number. BellSouth has now lied to me WAY more times than Earthlink. These lies have been of the "your number will be working by midnight tonight" variety. And, I am starting to suspect the rep that told me BellSouth loved me was lying, too. I've spent about $40 in cell phone minutes trying to straighten the whole mess out. And now I'm terrified I won't have DSL before Halo 3 comes out. They currently have me down for October 8th!!! That's two weeks too late, people! I'm going to bring all kinds of hurt on them once I actually have a phone line. They will give me DSL before September 25th.

On a positive note, I have done some stitching, and it's even related to this month's theme. I've been stitching on the Quaker Needlecase, and I finished the pocket! I'm actually close to finishing the scissors holder now. Then I "only" have the needlebook (it's almost as much stitching as the pocket, which felt like it took forever), the lining, and the outside wool florentine to finish. I'm working on that in the car on the way to work.

I also had a nice knitting milestone; I finished my first sleeve ever! It's "just" Tubey, but as I modeled one sleeve with some stockinette hanging off it, DH told me I was cool, anyway. =)

Of course, I can't show you pictures of any of this...maybe I'll have to do something scary with a scanner, new computer and thumb drive this weekend....

JiffNotes
I've been stitching. Knitting, even. But I can't show you pictures because Earthlink, and, to a lesser extent, BellSouth, stink. Stink, stink, stink. I'm surprised you can't smell them from there.

JiffNotes

Julia J, click here now

Last week I got a call from my friend Julia. She said, "I just called to get a summary of your blog from the past week. Your posts are too long." Whoah, baby, nobody's making you read them!! ;) When I mentioned that my eyes were feeling OK, she said, "Why?"

"Well, I had laser eye surgery yesterday to repair a tear in my retina."

"Oh, I didn't know what that whole 'Eye-opening Experience' post was about. I didn't read that far."

Now, the first line of that post was, "My plan for today did not include getting zapped with a laser." I think that I might have read a little farther, given that first line. It's not like I pulled out a big surprise in the 50th paragraph or anything. But no one has ever accused me of being terse, especially in written communication. Don't get me wrong, I can be a mean technical writer, reducing sentences like, "The beauteous orb gradually ascended into the clear, blue sky, casting its light across the ground like a beacon of hope breaking over the black waves of night," into "The sun rose." But when it comes to prose...well, let's just say that the "before" sentence there streamed smoothly from my fingertips like a cascading waterfall, its crystalline jets of water arcing...erm, you get the picture.

I was talking about this with a coworker, and he said, "You need, like, those CliffsNotes for your posts." Only, he didn't say "CliffsNotes," he said something else that I hadn't heard of, and so promptly forgot. But it's the same thing. So, I have decided to institute CliffsNotes for Julia, or "jiffy" notes, for my posts. At least until I tire of them. =)

JiffNotes
I'm going to include a brief summary of my posts so you don't have to read so much. And I'm making fun of you a little. =)

I HATE Earthlink

...still no DSL. =( I'd tell you the whole saga, but I don't want to harsh your Friday.

On a good note, the doc looked at my eyes yesterday during my checkup and said, "Beautiful." And he wasn't hitting on me.