Saturday, March 27, 2010

Winter Lottlympiad Closing Ceremony

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{inspiring music plays}

Bob: In this, the coolest of competitions, expectations are set...

{shot of scary glaciers}

Bob: ...expectations of attaining new heights...

{shot of goats scaling scary glaciers}

Bob: ...expectations of remaining sure-footed in the face of overwhelming odds...

{shot of Mounties}

Bob: ...expectations of dedication and determination...but will those expectations be met...?

{shot of frightening, disheartening skiier crash}

Bob: ...or dashed on a pile of broken this, the first Winter Lottlympiad!

{music crescendos}

Bob: Welcome, everyone. We're here to recap, belatedly, the final results of the Winter Lottlympiad. We started off strong, with an almost immediate medal--


Bob: Jim, are you all right?

Jim: Sorry, Bob, some of the athletes' tweets are just hysterical.

Bob: Jim, can you focus here for a minute?

Jim: Yes, sorry, Bob. So to bring everyone up to speed, we had four events going during this Games: Figure Stitching, Hatpipe, Finishing Slalom and Speed Socking. We had an early performance at the Bronze medal level in Hatpipe, followed by Figure Stitching.

Bob: Did we go any higher than Bronze in Figure Stitching? Let's go once again to the Pacific Coliseum with Tom, Scott and Sandra.

Tom: Thanks, Bob. So we had some complaints about the lack of "sparkle" in the Bronze medal performance, didn't we?

Sandra: We sure did. It left me thinking, you know, there are just some things that you feel in your heart that you can't convey once you get out on the ice.

Tom: Uh-hunh...Scott?

Scott: Well, we had a great effort, but in the end, there weren't enough daylight hours to get all those beads applied to the costume.

Sandra: There sure weren't.

Tom: We did have some progress, though?

Scott: Oh, yes. But you can see riiiiiiight THERE, she just ran out of steam and couldn't quiiiiiiite MAKE IT!

Sandra: You sure can.

Tom: So no Silver medal, but a very sparkly Bronze in Figure Stitching. Back to you, Bob.

Bob: Well, I think despite not reaching Silver, that's a performance we can all be proud of. I've heard rumors that the Silver goal has been reached since the Lottlympiad ended. Hopefully we'll be seeing that soon. Jim, do we have any reports about Speed Socking?

Jim: The only report we have is no report. #sarcasm

Bob: Um, thanks for spelling it out there, Jim. Yes, we only had a few training rounds early on, then nothing. However, with a final week push in the Finishing Slalom, things went a little better. Let's go out to Tim and Todd at Whistler Creekside.

Tim: Thanks, Bob! Not a lot going on the first week, but as you said, the final week brought us all the colors we've come to expect in this competition.

Todd: Tim, it was a great effort. And like I always say, what you can't see is what's going on between the ears.

Tim: Let's take a look at the blocked Entrelac Scarf.

Todd: You can see the nice, clean lines here, Tim. It's amazing, because just a day before, this was a bumpy, uneven mess.

Tim: Is that because of all the fresh powder, Todd?

Todd: Um, no,'s all the changes in direction on the course. One way, then the other, picking up here, decreasing there. But again, the real competition is all between the ears.

Tim: So the point is to smooth out the lines for a better time. But this is a can anything be going on between the ears?

Todd: ...

Tim: Back to you, Bob.

Bob: Thanks, Tim. A gorgeous result in the Finishing Slalom. That leaves us with just the Hatpipe. Jim, you watched a lot of that competition; what did you think?

Jim: Lots of LOLZ, Bob!!

Bob: Lulls? What I saw was very fast-paced and thrilling...

Jim: Not lulls, Bob. LOLZ! ELL-OH-ELL's. Laughing out loud? Bob...?

Bob: Jim, I think you have an addiction to social media. What are you doing right now?

Jim: I was just updating my Facebook status to "has problem doing anything but social media", why? ...Oh...

Bob: See what I mean?

Jim: Yeah...I'm going to sit the rest of this one out, Bob.

Bob: Stop tweeting, Jim.

Jim: Dang it!!

Bob: Let's go out to Pat and Todd at Cypress Mountain.

Pat: Thanks, Bob! It was a very exciting competition

Todd: Definitely a lot of ripping runs in Hatpipe, Pat!

Pat: We had a very technical run that resulted in a Silver performance. While it didn't have the complete package of the eventual Gold medal run, it had a nice precision.

Todd: Yeah, she really dailed the kinks in that one!

Pat: Uh-hunh...then the Gold medal run came soon after!

Todd: She started off a real hucker, and I thought a major crater was in our future, but pretty soon she busted it in gear and totally shredded it!

Pat: Uh...exactly what I was going to say, Todd! Let's get a closeup of that Gold medal performance!

Todd: Woo hoo! If I've ever whackered a noogie on a shing, that's got to be the rickrack of popsizz!

Pat: OK, Todd, now you're just making things up.

Todd: Hahaha! Yep, Pat, I am...or am I?

Pat: Back to you, Bob!

Bob: Well, that's it for this year's Lottlympiad! We'll be joining you for tea and scones in about two years for the 2012 games in London. Until then, you can look forward to March Madness here at It's Geek to Me. Goodbye, all!

Bronze in Figure Stitching, Gold in Hatpipe, Bronze in Finishing Slalom...not too shabby!

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